


RantBusters

by UltimateWarriorFan4Ever



Category: My Little Pony, My Little Pony: Equestria Girls, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Phineas and Ferb, SmarkBusters
Genre: Explicit Language, Gen, Nonsense, Parody, Randomness, Rants, SmarkBusters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 21:33:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 24,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11022024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateWarriorFan4Ever/pseuds/UltimateWarriorFan4Ever
Summary: What happens when Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram rant on some of the most random stuff that gets them ticked, angry and P'd off? Get ready for the most tasteless, most hilarious rant show there ever is. A series/parody based and inspired by the SmarkBusters channel on YouTube. Now taking suggestions for future rants via PM or review.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything associated with My Little Pony, Phineas and Ferb, and the SmarkBusters channel on YouTube, in which this fic is a parody of. My Little Pony and it's characters are owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust, Phineas and Ferb and it's characters are owned by Disney, Jeff 'Swampy" Marsh and Dan Povenmire, and SmarkBusters and its channel are owned by the Left SmarkBuster and Right SmarkBuster. Anyway, here's my favorite cross-fandom bromance in a parody of the SmarkBusters channel. Eeyup, we're talking about Monty Monogram from Phineas and Ferb and Flash Sentry from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.

It was around 11 p.m. and there was a camera taped in someone's bedroom, basically the room of a certain blue haired guitarist. Suddenly, the two men came from behind the camera and sat in two separate stools while looking right at the camera. The man on the right had short brown hair, light brown unibrow, and dressed in a gray hoodie while the other man on the left had decked himself in blue hair, a black jacket with a single white/red stripe and a white t-shirt that had a lightning bolt over an all-blue shield as a logo. Trying not to hold their smirks in, Monty spoke to the camera.

"How's it goin', everyone?" Monty waved. "Welcome to the first-ever episode of the RantBusters, where we talk and trash on random shit because we don't have a slogan. Don't talk to us about it, because Flash wrote the whole thing."

"Yeah, that's true." Flash waved as well.

"Anyway, I'm Monty Monogram, aka Vanessa's boyfriend and Right RantBuster." Monty replied to the camera.

"And I'm Flash Sentry, aka Twilight's Boyfriend and Left RantBuster." Flash replied to the camera as well.

"Anyway, enough of the shit, we got a little topic we want to share." Monty smirked. "It's all about a TV show we hate because Disney Channel ends up shoving shit like this on our faces."

"Yeah, but worst of all, this is a spinoff based on an awesome tv show from the 90's." Flash replied. "We all know spinoffs has sometimes done well before like _Family Matters_ , _The Jeffersons_ and _Frasier_. But wouldn't you fuckin' guessed that there would be a show spun off from _Boy Meets World_?!"

"Why the fuck do we need that?!" Monty shouted. "This is why I hate sitcoms that has depressing music playing on the shitty background whenever someone has a tender moment. Unless if it's _Family Matters_ and jazz music plays, than it's fine, but in this horrible piece of shit? This is the reason why I rather fuckin' watch _Married... With Children_ instead! But we're not talking about that. We're talking about Girl Meets World. Or many people call it, 'Boy Meets World' with a midget."

"We can't lie to you, there's actually a midget!" Flash smirked. "And I think it's actually one of the character's kids."

"To make a long story short, _Boy Meets World_ closed out with Cory and Topanga getting married and moving to New York." Monty explained. "And Girl Meets World began with Cory and Topanga giving birth to two kids, one of them is some annoying priss-ass named Riley. Really? Who in the blue fuck names a girl called 'Riley'? Riley's a motherfuckin' boy's name! It's like someone calling their girl 'Steven' or 'Eric', or maybe 'Donald'. IT DOESN'T FUCKIN' FIT!"

"Yeah," Flash nodded in unison. "And they also have a son called Auggie. Both Cory and Topanga named their kid after a fuckin' cartoon dog. Really nice choice of names, Disney Channel. It was way more interesting than calling one of their sitcoms, _I Didn't Do It_. And while you're at it, if you have another idea of a sitcom, call that show _Fuckin' Bullshit_. Of course, that's exactly a very good title of how this describes _Girl Meets World_."

"Plus, Riley also has a friend named Maya, which doesn't really impress me a lot." Monty scoffed. "Mostly, Riley and Maya usually go on adventures and learn a lot of the serious shit that goes on our lives like religion, autism, depression, and fuckin' cancellation, which the show should've been. _Boy Meets World_ was better, why in the hell do we need this shit? Just leave _Boy Meets World_ alone and end it like it is!"

"Of course, every show and sitcom also has to pull off a love triangle." Flash explained. "So far, both Riley and Maya have a crush on this boy named Lucas, which is actually Stephen Amell at fuckin' 16 years old. Did Stephen Amell chug out a bottle of the Fountain of Youth and someway turn into a 16 year old with less-revealing abs? Whatever happened to the guy who plays Oliver Queen on _Arrow_? The last time we saw him, he owned Stardust and King Barrett's asses down at _SummerSlam_! And he looked fuckin' good doing it!"

"Now, if you imagine two tweenage girls ever falling in love with a 30-year old man in a 16-year old body, that's definitely much pedophile!" Monty chuckled, which left Flash laughing like crazy. "We're these writers on fuckin' crack?!"

"I think they were when they created Farkle." Flash smirked.

"Of course, we can't forget Farkle." Monty rolled his eyes in laughter. "If you thought Urkel was annoying and Marcy Fuckin' D'Arcy was an earkiller, this little Bieber dead-ringer rolls both of those names up with paper, smokes it and shoves it up his own ass! Because I fuckin' hate this kid!"

"That kid is so annoying, loud and creepy, he looks like a poorly drawn creepypasta!" Flash laughed again.

"Farkle even makes the scary chick from _The Ring_ look hot!" Monty scoffed once more. "What is she, like a 4? Farkle's pretty much a 0.5 on the 10 scale. I don't think he's even a real person! For some ungodly reason, he looks like be a clone of fuckin' Ben Seaver with _Growing Pains_ but with a really bad asshole haircut!"

Once again, Flash Sentry failed to contain his laughter, even falling out of his stool in response.

"I feel bad for Cory and Topanga, even though the actress playing her is fuckin' hot." Monty smirked. "Even with a hot MILF in a Disney Channel sitcom, it doesn't change the fact that it fuckin' sucks donkeycock! What next, is Disney Channel gonna make a spinoff of well, I don't know, maybe _Austin & Ally_? If they did, they focus on the kid that says 'Aw nards!'. Seriously, did Disney get away with a fuckin' testicle joke on sitcom we weren't talking about? Yeah, I'm pretty sure we did. I'm even ashamed to be a part of this channel in the first place!"

Monty finally took a long deep breath after his rant came to an end. He then looked down to Flash Sentry, who was still laughing on the floor.

"So, anything you wanna add, Flash?" Monty replied to Flash.

"Nah, I wet myself laughing though." Flash chuckled back to Monty.

"Eh, good enough for me." Monty shrugged before turning back and flipping off to the camera. "Anyway, _Girl Meets World_ sucks. End of story. Fuck SpongeBob."


	2. Flash and Monty on SpongeBob SquarePants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rant on SpongeBob SquarePants!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything associated with My Little Pony, Phineas and Ferb, and the SmarkBusters channel on YouTube, in which this fic is a parody of. My Little Pony and it's characters are owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust, Phineas and Ferb and it's characters are owned by Disney, Jeff 'Swampy" Marsh and Dan Povenmire, and SmarkBusters and its channel are owned by the Left SmarkBuster and Right SmarkBuster. Anyway, here's my favorite cross-fandom bromance in a parody of the SmarkBusters channel. Eeyup, we're talking about Monty Monogram from Phineas and Ferb and Flash Sentry from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.

Both Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram were still sitting on their stools, but now they are wearing Spongebob shirts with a red censor-bar displayed all over Spongebob's face. This time, it was Flash Sentry talking to the camera this time.

"Well, we just had to do this, didn't we...?" Flash sighed.

"I'm not gonna lie, I didn't want to do this shit either." Monty smirked. "But it has to be done."

"Yeah," Flash nodded. "We're talking about a show that was once good, but kept getting shittier and shittier as episodes went on. It's the kind of ass I wouldn't even wanna get near up, even if I wanted to kiss it. Unless if it was Twilight Sparkle's ass, I wouldn't mind."

"Yeah, we're talking about that baby shit-colored sponge known as _SpongeBob SquarePants_." Monty groaned at the camera. "So far, looking at the character himself, he looks like a diseased sponge who got infected with some weird STD and started wearing fuckin' business clothes."

"Imagine if your dad got infected with the t-virus from Resident Evil while heading to work." Flash smirked. "One of the workers would go to him and say 'Hi' and the guy would reply with 'Nice day we're having' before he chews his ass off, turning into a zombie."

"Speaking of ass, he also has a best friend named Patrick, who looks and probably sounds retarded." Monty chuckled heavily. "Which leads me to reason why a fuckin' starfish can ever talk in the first place. It's fuckin' impossible. If any mentally challenged scubadiver can prove the fact that starfish can actually grow a mouth and talk, I'll bend over and suck my own dick!"

"How do you think that would taste?" Flash said to Monty.

"I don't know, and basically I'll need a cock long enough to do so." Monty chuckled.

"Yeah, and then we have Squidward Testicles, SpongeBob and Patrick's neighbor." Flash explained clearly. "Have you taken a look at his nose? It looks like Baymax's penis colored light teal!"

Somehow, Monty took in a cackling laugh hearing this.

"I'm not even sure if Baymax even has a penis!" Monty smirked. "Patrick's too fat to even see his penis, and so does Peter Griffin from _Family Guy_! And that show was awesome!"

"Yeah, but later SpongeBob was just shit." Flash scoffed.

"Anyway, baby shit-colored SpongeBob even has a pet snail named Gary who meows." Monty replied right before shouting, "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, NICKELODEON? THE ONLY THING I KNOW ABOUT SNAILS IS THAT THEY ONLY FUCKIN' SLITHER! THEY DON'T MEOW, THEY DON'T MOO AND THEY DON'T EVEN BAWK! ONLY CATS, COWS AND PARROTS DO THAT! BUT SNAILS FUCKIN' DON'T!"

"What sounds do snails even make, anyway?" Flash smirked. "So far, the only sound that snails ever make is the same kind of sound that Lindsay Lohan makes when she snorts fuckin' coke off someone's ass-crack!"

Once again, Monty took in a heavy laugh. He laughed so hard that he nearly falls out of his seat.

"Anyway, SpongeBob works in the Krusty Krab where his boss is a total asshole named Mr. Krabs." Monty chuckled. "In the beginning of the show, Krabs ends up being a lesser ass-hole to just an annoying asshole and transformed into a way bigger asshole. They're trying to make Mr. Krabs a totally arrogant money-hungry fuck while the creators try to make Plankton into a sympathetic turd. Do the creators of the show want a villain like Plankton to win? Did they want Mr. Krabs to fall in love with Spongebob's fat-fuck driving teacher? Do the creators want a fuckin' whale as Mr. Krabs's daughter? FOR PERRY'S SAKE, HOW DID A WHALE AND CRAB FUCK IN THE FIRST PLACE?!"

This time, it was Flash laughing his ass off from that rant.

"Well, speaking of fucked up, the later SpongeBob episodes suck ass because the original creator Stephen Hillenburg wasn't working on the show." Monty replied. "When Stephen actually ran the show, it was actually very good. When he left, it turned into shit! I wonder how he would have reacted when the creators had Squidward read Spongebob's little yellow book and made him feel fuckin' bad? It makes the original creator want to kill himself just by watching that. Even though I hate SpongeBob, I hate fuckin' Squidward even worse after that episode. Why couldn't the fuckin' creators just stick to Squidward being a fuckin' baby on the episode where SpongeBob and Patrick turn him into one after a fuckin' head injury? Because that was the only SpongeBob episode I loved! That still doesn't say fuckin' much, since it's still shit as sauce!"

"Yeah, someone should fire everyone writing this show, because I'm pretty sure they were on some weird PCP." Flash smirked. "Heck, bring Stephen Hillenburg back so that Spongebob can be less ugly, Patrick can be less retarded, and Mr. Krabs can be a way lesser asshole than he already is right now. So far, the only thing I like about SpongeBob is fuckin' Sandy Cheeks! And if you fanboys lust after her and her big squirrel boobies, then congratulations, you and your friends support bestality. On second thought, I take it back, I don't wanna fuck Sandy Cheeks."

"Me too, I don't see why people pair SpongeBob and Sandy as a couple." Monty shrugged. "You imagine if the two got married, they would have a baby that would be half-squirrel, half-sponge, and half-fuckin-ugly? That's what this show is, it's an ugly piece of vomit-blending shit! And it's so ugly, Ripley's Believe It Or Not wouldn't even mention it if it's true!"

Somehow after the laughter cleared up, both Monty and Flash broke in a bit of awkward silence.

"Anything you wanna say or add, Flash?" Monty replied.

"Yeah, don't fuck squirrels, kids." Flash smirked as he flipped the camera off. "Fuck SpongeBob."

"And fuck Squidward too..." Monty smirked, flipping off the camera too.


	3. Flash and Monty on Disney Channel Sitcoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rant on Disney Channel Sitcoms!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything associated with My Little Pony, Phineas and Ferb, and the SmarkBusters channel on YouTube, in which this fic is a parody of. My Little Pony and it's characters are owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust, Phineas and Ferb and it's characters are owned by Disney, Jeff 'Swampy" Marsh and Dan Povenmire, and SmarkBusters and its channel are owned by the Left SmarkBuster and Right SmarkBuster. Anyway, here's my favorite cross-fandom bromance in a parody of the SmarkBusters channel. Eeyup, we're talking about Monty Monogram from Phineas and Ferb and Flash Sentry from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.

Both Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram were sitting on their stools as always, but this time, both men were wearing Mickey Mouse hats with the words 'Fuck Disney' written on them in bold white lettering. With a sigh and groan, Monty spoke up.

"Well, this is pure bullshit..." Monty rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, and I could say the same thing about the shit we see on Nickelodeon." Flash groaned.

"We're talking about fuckin' Disney Channel sitcoms, kids." Monty groaned as well. "If you thought Nickelodeon sitcoms was shitty, the sitcoms on Disney Channel are way more shitty! It's shitty on the account that I would rather bend over and eat my own cock off!"

"I'd do the same thing too, except I'd be eating my own feces." Flash sighed.

"Yes, and with the magic of prime YouTube fashion, we're gonna rant on each Disney Channel sitcom that we're gonna mention." Monty informed everyone. "It's a long list for sure, but we're gonna be fuckin' short to the point. If you don't like our views, you can blame the blue-haired fuck standing beside me. Anyway, here we go..."

_**Lizzie McGuire** _

"So far, we have _Lizzie McGuire_ , starring the still damned beautiful Hilary Duff." Monty commented.

"It was nice that there seemed to be an actress who's last name is named after the booze that Homer Simpson drinks." Flash smirked.

"Yeah, it makes me realize why there aren't too many actors and actress named after fuckin' alcoholic drinks." Monty sighed. "Too bad, you don't see a perverted pre-teen actress with the name Chrissy Coors or Bethany Budweiser or maybe Hillary Heineken, because that would make the show much watchable. Anyway, this show's about Hilary Duff and she's gotta deal with his little asshole brother that's so annoying, you wanna take a fuckin' sledgehammer and smash his fuckin' brain off. Regardless, the show's not bad, otherwise when you wanna hear her brother talk, reach for the mute button or change the fuckin' channel. Anyway, next..."

_**That's So Raven** _

"Hey, it's Olivia from The Cosby Show." Flash said.

"Apparently, the little kid from the later seasons of _The Cosby Show_ grew up and ended up being a fake-ass psychic, like Miss Cleo." Monty smirked. "I don't know what the premise of the show is, and likely, I don't even give two shits about it. Unless if I took a really huge shit, it would be on this show."

_**The Suite Life With Zack And Cody** _

"Okay, now we have twins and they stay in a fuckin' hotel." Monty replied.

"Which one's Zack and which's one Cody?" Flash raised his eyebrow.

"I think Cody's got a bigger dick." Monty shrugged. "Which is strange since there no proof of a teen having his bulge this huge. Fuck Zack and Cody. The only thing that was better on the show is that hot asian chick and the hot blonde chick. If you're a thirty-something adult and if you find these girls hot, than you're a pervert."

_**Hannah Montana** _

"Oh, crap. It's Miley Cyrus." Flash groaned.

"This was way before Miley got turned into a twerking fuck with hair more scarier than Angelica's doll from _Rugrats_." Monty gagged.

"But back then, she was this cute teenage brunette with a good singing voice with the Achy Breaky guy as her father." Flash smirked. "At least he made this show watchable. Of course, until the movie came out, it was nothing but diarrhea. I'd puke on her if I had, because this show is nothing but a vomit milkshake."

_**Cory In The House** _

"Okay, now we got a show where a kid becomes President." Monty snarled. "And it's a black kid as President! This was way before President Barack Obama was elected. I'm telling you, this fat kid beat Obama to the punch!"

"And yet, wacky things happen." Flash replied. "The West Wing was better than this shit, and that was a serious good show."

"It's _The West Wing_ , but only more fucked up in a bad bullshit way." Monty nodded in unison.

_**Wizards of Waverly Place** _

"And heeeeeeere's Selena Gomez..." Flash rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I like Selena Gomez too." Monty nodded. "She's actually really cute when he's not with that untalented fuck known as Justin Bieber, and Justin Bieber fucking sucks."

"Well, the premise is simple: She's a wizard who happens to be in a family of wizards." Flash replied. "Harry Potter would beat the shit out of her if he would. Harry Potter's a fuckin' saint compared to Selena Gomez. I call this series _Harry Potter Lite_ for sure."

"I'd have something shitty to say about this show if I could, but to be honest, it's actually not that bad." Monty nodded. "So basically, we'll let this pass. Of course, I'm just lying what I said about this show. It's just a plain piece of shit."

_**The Suite Life on Deck** _

"Okay, so now we have a spinoff of The Suite Life." Flash replied.

"It's more like if you took _The Love Boat_ , but have it all filled with fuckin' kids instead of grown-ass adults." Monty scoffed. "And instead of Captain Steubing, Issac or Charo, you mostly get the black bellhop, the hot Asian chick, the chick with Twilight Sparkle's haircut colored brown, and the two fuckin' twins no one gives a shit about. They might as well call it _Titanic 2_ , because I'd just wish that ship would fuckin' sink, killing all their asses. That's why it sucks."

_**Sonny With A Chance** _

"All right, now we go from Selena Gomez to Demi Lovato." Monty replied.

"Eh, she doesn't look too bad." Flash shrugged.

"Me too, I like Demi Lovato." Monty nodded. "I think she's fuckin' hot, even though her nose looks so big, you could fit coins inside there. So far, the show's actually not bad, even though the fat kid's annoying and the blonde chick is so dumb as shit, it makes Kelly Bundy look smart. So nothing to say here."

_**Good Luck Charlie** _

"Oh shit, is this _Full House 2_?" Flash chuckled.

"Well, we have a full family and there's a kid on there." Monty replied. "Anyway, I'll give points on it because I think the mom's is so fuckin' hot."

"What is it whenever every Disney sitcom nowadays has a hot mom?" Flash chuckled. "I mean, _Girl Meets World_ has one, _Liv and Maddie_ has one, _Dog With A Blog_ has one and even _K.C. Undercover_ has one! We need more hot MILFs on Disney Channel sitcoms. That's the way that'll get us watching. Except _Girl Meets World_ , we hate that shit."

"So basically, we'll watch it only for the hot blonde mom." Monty clearly commented. "As for the fuckin' baby, someone needs to call child services and take that fuckin' child away from them, because the family that the kid's living with are retards. All except for the hot mom. Why couldn't the show just focus on her instead? They'd call the show _Good Luck Amy_."

"That sounds like a hooker name." Flash smirked. "Imagine you'd drive up to her on a street one night, and she comes up to you and says, 'Hey big boy, my name's Amy. You want some good luck tonight?'"

Suddenly, both men broke out in a loud, boisterous laugh.

"That would be worth watching." Monty chuckled, before clearing his throat. "Okay, moving on."

_**Shake It Up** _

"All right, so we got Bella Thorne and Zendaya as dancers and they're shaking it up." Monty replied. "Nothing to fuckin' say here."

"Except the only thing that makes this thing watchable is that Tinka chick." Flash commented. "I like her, it's like if Lana from the WWE was a teenager."

"Yeah, it's decent for the next five minutes, only for Tinka's annoying Russian accent to make you drive your fuckin' head straight to the TV." Monty groaned. "Which, by the way, we might owe Vanessa Doofenshmirtz a new TV."

"Sure, as long as you pay." Flash nodded over to Monty.

_**A.N.T. Farm** _

"Okay, now this is a very misleading title." Flash replied. "If this is called _A.N.T. Farm_ , why not actually focus on an actual ant farm?"

"This is why Disney Channel nowadays are on dope." Monty replied as well. "It's like if the producers actually had a meeting, and the lead executive had an idea to pitched to him, it would sound like: 'Instead of focusing on a kid's little ant farm, why not make it about kids who attend a high school while trying to find that special gifts that they have'?"

"Anyway, this show's so bad, it's not even worth fuckin' mentioning." Flash chuckled. "Anyway, one's black, one's blonde, one has a Bieber haircut, another one's blonde and stupid as fuck, and it's shit. Moving on."

_**JESSIE** _

"Okay, so basically, the girl from _The Suite Life On Deck_ ends up coming back to New York, changes her hair, changes her name, and has a face so bloated, she looks like she stuffed marshmallows in her mouth." Monty laughed.

"And now, she's a nanny to four kids." Flash replied.

"She doesn't even look like a nanny." Monty said, holding in a chuckled. "From the way I see it, she's got _psychotic kidnapping fuck_ written on the side of her forehead!"

Flash started laughing because of that little rant. Flash laughed so hard, he nearly tipped over on his stool.

"I wonder what Emma, Zuri, Luke and Ravi are thinking if they watched this..." Flash said, still in laughter.

_**Austin & Ally** _

"Okay, I like this." Monty nodded. "So far, out of the shows I've mentioned, _Austin & Ally_'s pretty good. I think Laura Marano is hot, Raini Rodriguez is funny, Calum Worthy is a hoot and Ross Lynch is actually pretty fuckin' hot for a non-gay guy."

"And now, Ross Lynch is in a rock band where he sings about getting some pussy." Flash replied with a chuckle.

"That's all he's good at!" Monty nodded. "Both him and Austin like to sing about fucking girls. And he fucks Ally and the rest is history. So far, good show. Next."

_**Dog With A Blog** _

"Oh shit, now we have _Dog With A Blog_." Flash groaned.

"Basically, it's about a dog who blogs." Monty groaned as well. "Nothing more to say about this one. Except for the fact that Blake Michael's haircut stole the show. It's so perfect, he wiped it using just apple butter."

"I like the part where Tyler falls in love with a Spanish chick, especially the way she dresses like a hooker." Flash replied. "I stopped watching when the show broke them up for apparently no reason, because it was all gonna be fuckin' shit from here."

"Yeah, what were you thinking, you assholes of Disney?!" Monty shrieked.

_**Liv and Maddie** _

"All right, we have Dove Cameron as twin sisters." Monty replied. "I gotta say watching this that Dove Cameron is fucking hot, even if old perverts who watch this really think so."

"She's cute, although Dove Cameron looks like a gender-bent Ross Lynch with a less creepier smile." Flash chuckled.

"Yeah, so far, _Liv and Maddie_ 's good too." Monty replied once more. "Along with _Austin & Ally_, _Liv and Maddie_ 's awesome. So I'll give Disney Channel two points for sure. Three points because I want Dove Cameron to sit on my face so bad. That's how much I want her."

_**I Didn't Do It** _

"Oh, really neat fucking title there, Disney." Monty snarled hatefully. "You couldn't come up with a better title than _I Didn't Do It_?"

"So far, it's about five friends and they go on adventures while blaming the other for their problems." Flash groaned once more. "So far, no one gives a shit about this sitcom already and I'm glad it's fucking gone."

"Yeah, although Olivia Holt is fucking cute just like Dove Cameron, Lauren Taylor and Peyton List are." Monty replied truthfully. "It still doesn't change the fact that the show came up with a lame fuckin' title and a much lame fuckin' plot. Call the show _Do It A Lot Better_ while you're at it, which is what the show would have fuckin' done had if people watched it more."

_**Girl Meets World** _

"Nothing to say here, except that we already covered that show." Flash sighed. "So far, it's not worth mentioning that retarded ass-kissing shit once again."

_**K.C. Undercover** _

"Well, isn't this surprising?" Flash scoffed with a smirk. "We have Rocky Blue from _Shake It Up, except she_ is a spy with frizzy hair, has a really fat smile, and has spy skills more lame, even James Bond would have kicked her ass."

"I think she's fuckin' smaller than James Bond." Monty scoffed as well. "Imagine if James Bond slept with Foxy Brown, and she looked like this except with the drunk British accent that Bond has. The show's not that bad, but with the boring kung-fu action there is, I rather watch _Monday Night RAW_ instead. That wrestling stuff was real, why can't this show be? Fake fighting sucks ass, but this show? Eh, it would do a lot better if they were actually fuckin' punching people for real."

_**Best Friends Whenever** _

"Well, we had spies, step-sisters, nannies, and now we have time-travelers." Flash rolled his eyes. "What's up the blonde next to the brunette? She looks like someone took the ass fat and placed it all around her fuckin' lips."

"Yeah, you could squeeze on them like a balloon just to make sure those were actually real lips that she has." Monty chuckled. "I'm not even sure those are actually real lips. For all I know, she has man lips! Manly as a male model does when he does a selfie with duck-lips! I know, I actually saw! So anyway, they also get help from a blonde-haired Sheldon Cooper and a teenage illegal alien wearing a kangol hat. It's not crap, it's not even shit or vomit, but the show's pretty much average. So, nothing to say here."

_**BUNK'D** _

"And of course, we have _Bunk'd_..." Monty groaned.

"Did Ashton Kutcher have something to do with this?" Flash raised his eyebrow. "I mean, look at the title! People with vision impairment would definitely confuse this with _Punk'd_! They must've thought _Bunk'd_ was another reality show that Ashton came up."

"Well, as it seems, it's actually a spinoff of _JESSIE_ , in which Emma, Ravi and Zuri leave Luke to deal with the psychotic kidnapping fuck so they can go to camp." Monty nodded in unison. "They end up meeting an ugly fuck, a short fat Mexican with black Art Garfunkel hair, a Chinese smart-ass, a guitarist whom Emma wants to fuck in her dreams, and a crazy-assed blonde with pigtails who's even way more psychotic, murderous and fucked-up than their nanny themselves."

"This is one weird fucked-up camp." Flash nodded as well.

"Yeah, fucked-up is definitely what this show is." Monty rolled his eyes. "So to grade Disney Channel, it might as well give it a D for Disgraced Shit. So far, _Austin & Ally_ and _Liv and Maddie_ are surprisingly pretty good, _Best Friends Whenever, Lizzie McGuire_ and _Sonny With A Chance_ are average, _BUNK'D_ , _JESSIE_ , _Dog With A Blog_ and _K.C. Undercover_ are a little bit bland, _I Didn't Do It_ fucks donkey-clits, _Good Luck Charlie_ shits-out horse vomit, and other shows I didn't mention, go leave them in the fuckin' trash because I don't have time to go through them all again. And maybe that's for the best, because explaining them in such a long-ass way is giving me a fuckin'-ass migraine!"

"This is all because you canceled _Phineas and Ferb_ , you douchebags!" Flash exclaimed to the people watching at home (mostly to the producers at Disney Channel).

"Anyway, the shit's over, I'm goin' to sleep. Fuck Spongebob." Monty said before flipping off the camera.


	4. Flash and Monty on 19 Kids and Counting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rant on the godawful abomination to mankind known as 19 Kids and Counting!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything associated with My Little Pony, Phineas and Ferb, and the SmarkBusters channel on YouTube, in which this fic is a parody of. My Little Pony and it's characters are owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust, Phineas and Ferb and it's characters are owned by Disney, Jeff 'Swampy" Marsh and Dan Povenmire, and SmarkBusters and its channel are owned by the Left SmarkBuster and Right SmarkBuster. Anyway, here's my favorite cross-fandom bromance in a parody of the SmarkBusters channel. Eeyup, we're talking about Monty Monogram from Phineas and Ferb and Flash Sentry from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.

Both Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram sat on their stools as usual, but both men had grim bored looks on their faces. With a sigh and groan, Monty spoke up.

"Why in the hell do I ever put up with this shit...?" Monty groaned

"Same thing as you." Flash groaned as well. "This is perhaps the worst show in the history of reality TV, if not the worst show I have ever seen."

"I can't ever imagine being in this family I'm gonna mention, nor do I ever wanna watch them," Monty snarled hatefully. "I rather talk about boobs, or beer, or perhaps a good fuckin' TV show like _Two and a Half Men_ or _Arrow_ or _The Flash_. But no, we had to cover this happy fuckin' dillhole of a family. I can't believe we're gonna be talking about that horrible piece of shit-cheese known as _19 Kids and Counting_."

"I rather staple my own nuts to my stool and listen to a banshee scream at my face than to watch this horrible abomination." Flash snarled as well.

"I agree," Monty sighed. "This is definitely the _Girl Meets World_ of Reality TV, except it's much much fuckin' worse. To make a long story short, this show is about a major-populated family from Arkansas named the Duggars, which is led by the patriarch and matriarch, Jim Bob and Michelle. With a name like Jim Bob, it sounds like a like a white trash hillbilly looking to fix your car. Anyway, they look after their 19 kids, which I'm not gonna even bother naming one at a time, since it's not worth my motherfuckin' time. However, I am pretty sure that one of their kids has some weird incest fetish!"

"I can see how they love one another." Flash smirked. "It's really a sexual pun."

"I won't lie... BUT IT'S A FAMILY OF FUCKIN' INCEST-LOVING PERVERTS!" Monty shouted.

Flash couldn't help but end up chuckling from that state.

"Imagine if you were born by the Duggar family, only to realize they'll have urges to touch your penis." Flash smirked. "You'll look so scarred, you'll never wanna have sex again."

"Anyway, they're a huge radically-religious conservative family." Monty replied. "Don't you just love a show where they end up shoving their beliefs in your fuckin' faces? It's like gnats that fly over your faces and you just want to swat them away, only to fuckin' come back again. What's worse about them? They only date when they're married, they only side hug, they hate condoms, they fuckin' hate birth control pills, they don't watch any TV, movies, music or play video games. Are you fuckin' shitting me? Have they ever watched an episode of _The Big Bang Theory_? Have they ever listened to the Rolling Stones? Have they ever played fuckin' _Super Mario Bros_ , or better yet, have they ever watched any of the _Toy Story_ flicks? FOR FUCK'S SAKES, THEY LIVE LIKE FUCKIN' AMISH CAVEMEN!"

Once again, Flash contained his laughter, nearly falling out of his seat.

"For those of you who don't know who amish cavemen are, they're people that are afraid of technology and everything that's fun." Flash groaned. "They do nothing but live in complete silence without ever having to make any fires, go to any cool awesome sporting events, or go to any beaches. You know what they really do in their spare time? They fuckin' sleep. That's just it."

"Oh, but they do have fun most of the time." Monty nodded. "They end up going to boring petting zoos, crappy museums, shitty libraries, national monuments and boring-as-fuck classical concerts. _Duck Dynasty_ is way better than this fuckin' shit! Even though you don't agree with the bearded family's beliefs, you have to admit that watching them kill ducks and see fart jokes is worth it! And they're still around! Even _Chrisley Knows Best_ with Todd's can't-help-it-if-he-pretends-to-be-gay appearance is way better than _19 Kids_."

"Even that annoying retarded fuck _Johnny Test_ is more enjoyable than that show!" Flash exclaimed.

"Yeah, but that isn't saying much since that show still sucks donkeycock!" Monty exclaimed as well. "At least it's a piece of shit I might have some affection for, but _19 Kids_ doesn't deserve any affection at all after knowing what recently happened!"

"Which brings us to the kid-touching, porn-loving, cheating sex hound, Josh Duggar." Flash smirked evilly.

"Of course, we can't forget about him!" Monty rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "I'm even surprised that his wife didn't leave him after the shit he pulled off. If I was Josh's wife, I'd dump his ass and rip his balls off just so he can see how black and blue it is before he passes out!"

"I swear if Mr. Horse from _Ren and Stimpy_ ever watched this show for what it was, he'd say: _'No sir, I don't like it!'_ " Flash smirked.

Flash's little Mr. Horse comment got a very huge chuckle from Monty himself. He even got a snort coming out of the laugh.

"Anyway, as far as I know from out of those 19 kids, three out of the amish cavemen family are married." Monty informed everyone. "One of them, of course which is the porn hound, has 3 other kids. The other two Duggar girls are married, and they look like their mother. I'm pretty certain that not any of the older Duggar girls are fuckable. Otherwise if they were, I wouldn't wanna fuck them!"

"Yeah, no one in their right mind would wanna fuck any of them, unless if someone bet them a million dollars to do it!" Flash nodded.

"I really feel bad for TLC for airing this fuckin' garbage." Monty sighed. "For goodness sakes, TLC stands for _The Learning Channel_! What do they stand for these days, _Totally Lardass Clits_? That's what the people who run this network are. For anything else, if these people are really called _The Learning Channel_ , start airing fuckin' shows that actually make us learn! Don't air shows that has to do with some 9-year old hillbilly hick child, a pair of midgets, a couple with eight lousy fuckin' kids or the lameass family were mentioning."

"I think the R&B group called as well, they want their name back." Flash smirked.

"Yeah, although I will say something good about _19 Kids and Counting_ at once." Monty cleared his throat. "The only thing good about this shit it's when it's fuckin' over. So I hope you enjoy these last 12 minutes, people. Because I'm never getting them back after reviewing this fuckin' happy-go-lucky shit. Fuck TLC and the Duggars."

"Yeah, and fuck SpongeBob too." Flash said as he and Monty flipped off the camera, therefore ending the episode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually agree with A-Hole Flash and A-Hole Monty. Duck Dynasty, Chrisley Knows Best and any reality show on TV are way better than 19 Kids and Counting. And I'm glad TLC canceled it because it was just that boring. So far, the only thing that's good on that channel is the Cake Boss show, and I hardly even watch it.
> 
> Anyway, what will the RantBusters rant about next? Feedbacks are welcome! Until next time, same Warrior Time, same Warrior channel! BOOSH!


	5. Flash and Monty on Star Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rant on Star Wars!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything associated with My Little Pony, Phineas and Ferb, and the SmarkBusters channel on YouTube, in which this fic is a parody of. My Little Pony and it's characters are owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust, Phineas and Ferb and it's characters are owned by Disney, Jeff 'Swampy" Marsh and Dan Povenmire, and SmarkBusters and its channel are owned by the Left SmarkBuster and Right SmarkBuster. Anyway, here's my favorite cross-fandom bromance in a parody of the SmarkBusters channel. Eeyup, we're talking about Monty Monogram from Phineas and Ferb and Flash Sentry from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.

Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram were still in their stools as usual, but this time, Flash was dressed as Darth Vader and Monty was dressed as Han Solo. With a distressing groan, Flash spoke with disgust under the helmet.

"I hate this outfit so fuckin' much." Flash muffled.

"Eh, you'll live with it." Monty chuckled as he turned to the camera. "Well, since we are nearing the end of the movie season this year. Let's go fuck ourselves even more with a topic every George Lucas junkie will enjoy, which is _Star Wars_! I don't know why people are so obsessed with Star Wars. I mean, the light sabers, guys with Darth as their first name, total incest, little green alien midgets, and a fuckin' gold-plated retard who's so dumb, it even makes the big shaggy brown dog who hangs out with Han Solo look that smart!"

"I'm serious, it's getting so fuckin' hot in here!" Flash muffled again. "It feels like I'm living on the sun!"

"Well, ignoring Flash's cries of bullshit, where do we really begin?" Monty shrugged. "First off, I'd figure we'd start off back when Star Wars came out in 1977, but that would be fuckin' complicated. So, I'm just gonna go by each episode instead. Let's just start off by Episode 1."

"I'm sweating my balls off here!" Flash muffled once more.

"Like I give a fuck..." Monty smirked under his breath.

**_Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace_ **

"Okay, the film starts off with many different things," Monty said, clearing his throat. "We have Anakin Skywalker with a brown Pete Rose boulcut, Liam Neeson with a mullet and poorly drawn goatee, Samuel J. Jackson with no facial hair, a young and sexy Obi-Wan Kenobi, and that retarded looking fuck known as Jar Jar Binks."

"Jar Jar Binks looks liike the anal baby of an armadillo, a brown-colored bull-frog, and Martin Short." Flash smirked, still muffling under his Darth Vader helmet. "You blend this piece of shit into a blender and it comes out as Jar Jar."

"I can't fuckin' tell you how annoying this guy gets from start to finish." Monty scowled. "When this guy talks, the first thing you wanna do is get out of the theater and fuckin' commit suicide. Which I'm pretty sure half of the people who were watching in their seats did. They suffocated themselves by stuffing asses full of popcorn in their mouths until they can't breathe anymore. Anyway, the only thing good about this movie was Samuel L. Fuckin' Jackson. Just seeing him was worth it! This movie with Jar Jar in it? Remind me to leave someone's brain in the frickin' trash next time someone takes their own life."

_**Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones** _

"Okay, now we have Attack of the Clones," Flash replied, still muffling from the Darth Vader helmet.

"I don't have anything to say except that Padme falls in love with a teenage Anakin." Monty replied. "I don't fuckin' get this. Isn't she like 20 and Anakin 16? I don't know why, but I feel like falling in love with a minor feels wrong. So far, I don't have anything to say here."

_**Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith** _

"Still, I got nothing to say about this." Monty shrugged. "To make a long story short, Anakin turns into Darth Vader, he fucks Padme and Luke and Leia are born. Plus, it was the last time we ever saw Samuel L. Fuckin' Jackson. I believe that was the last time I really did enjoy it."

"Plus, Obi-Wan still wasn't fuckin' old." Flash muffled again. "Can I take this helmet off now...?"

"Eh, you'll live with it." Monty said, blowing it off.

_**Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope** _

"Apparently, this was the film that started it all." Monty sighed.

"I hardly forgot what happened." Flash shrugged, getting a little steamy inside the helmet.

"This was the film where Darth Vader appears, kills fuckin' Obi-Wan Kenobi, has a breathing problem like he fuckin' smoked a lot of shit, and Luke Skywalker blows up a disco ball." Monty groaned. "It was clear that disco originally died, obviously thanks to Star Wars."

_**Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back** _

"Better known as a _Maury_ episode taken place in space." Monty replied. "Also, just to make an another long story short, Darth Vader is Luke's father, and unsurprisingly, Luke Skywalker loses his hand. The one he usually wipes his ass with."

"And the guy who sings the Ghostbusters theme turns Harrison Ford into solid shit." Flash muffled again.

"How did the film ever get Ray Parker Jr in the movie?" Monty shrugged half-assedly. "It's like someone at CBS got Pierce Brosnan to play Mr. Sheffield on _The Nanny_. The sad thing about it is, none of the young people who ever watch our shit knows who fuckin' Ray Parker Jr is. I feel bad for the kids, because obviously, they weren't even born in the 80's. Why were they born too damn early?"

_**Star Wars Episode VI: Return Of The Jedi** _

"Obviously the one where we jerk off to Princess Leia in a slave bikini, while at the same time being held captive by the fattest piece of elephant shit with a mouth." Monty smirked.

Meanwhile, Flash was starting to get a little woozy inside the Darth Vader helmet. He was this close to passing out anytime soon.

"Why is it feeling woozy?" Flash panted like that.

"Anyway, ignoring Flash's cries of bullshit, we have Luke and Leia kissing." Monty groaned again. "Seriously, everyone. There's actually incest in a _Star Wars_ film. How did LucasArts ever get away with something like this? You might as well have Sofia Vergara fucking her own son in that Head  & Shoulders commercial. I'd rather look at Darth Vader without his helmet. Have you seen him? It looks like a guy's testicle growing into an old human being. It's actually funny to look at."

_**Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens** _

"Well, since it's the new film, I'll address only two things in the movie: A black Stormtrooper and Han Solo's ugly-ass fuckin' son as a villain." Monty replied. "That's right fans, I've actually fucking spoiled the entire movie for you, so you can thank us."

As Monty ripped up the script into a ball and threw it in the camera, Flash finally managed to take the helmet off. His blue hair was now dripping like hair and his entire face was gleaming with sweat.

"Okay, that helmet sucks." Flash said, pointing to the helmet that fell to the floor. "I swear, it was like being trapped in a buffalo's hot steamy anus."

"I agree with you, Flash, it's exactly what I thought about Episode I." Monty said to his friend before looking back to the camera. "Anyway, that's our explanation of all seven fucking _Star Wars_ films. I'm not gonna even go far with the entire _Star Wars_ action figures and video games, since I rather see someone take a Jabba-sized shit instead. And I'm also not gonna go far with the _Family Guy_ adaptation of _Star Wars_ since Mort fuckin' Goldman plays blackface! Way to fuckin' go there, Fox Network! You might as well have Cleveland Brown play Chinese duck-face while you're at it."

"Yeah, that's all we have to say about this shit, I'm taking a shower." Flash said as he walked off-screen.

"I agree with Flash there all the way." Monty nodded as he flipped off to the camera. "Anyway, I'm taking a nap. Fuck Star Wars, fuck Jabba the Shit, and while you're at it, fuck Spongebob too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, point there taken, guys. Such words spoken so true by A-Hole Monty and A-Hole Flash.
> 
> Anyway, more RantBusters coming soon! Feedbacks are appreciated! Until next time, same Warrior time, same Warrior channel! PEACE!


	6. Flash and Monty on Microwaves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this episode, Flash and Monty rant on Microwaves!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything associated with My Little Pony, Phineas and Ferb, and the SmarkBusters channel on YouTube, in which this fic is a parody of. My Little Pony and it's characters are owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust, Phineas and Ferb and it's characters are owned by Disney, Jeff 'Swampy" Marsh and Dan Povenmire, and SmarkBusters and its channel are owned by the Left SmarkBuster and Right SmarkBuster. Anyway, here's my favorite cross-fandom bromance in a parody of the SmarkBusters channel. Eeyup, we're talking about Monty Monogram from Phineas and Ferb and Flash Sentry from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.

Both Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram were on their stools as always, but they were wearing custom made white t-shirts with the words "F-K MICROWAVES" on them in big bold lettering. Just like always, Monty spoke to the camera

"Well, here we are once again." Monty groaned.

"Yeah, we're talking about fuckin' microwaves, one of the most annoying inventions we ever had to deal with." Flash groaned as well.

"We had a long explanation written on a long scroll of paper that we were gonna use, but Flash wiped his ass on it because we ran out of toilet paper." Monty replied. "I'm serious, he actually fuckin' wiped his ass."

"That's what I get for eating that fat breakfast burrito." Flash nodded.

"Serves you fuckin' right." Monty nodded as well. "Anyway, we're just gonna make this small and short as a result. Why do we hate microwaves? Well, for once, I hate how fast they cook. For instance, when you put a frozen food in there, it turns all damn sludgy when it's done. It has that soggy and saggy feeling just like Dolly Parton's dying breasts."

"That's why we use either the toaster over or the regular oven." Flash replied. "I want my fish sticks to be crispy, not wet and moist like an old vagina."

"Believe me, any frozen food that gets cooked in the microwave for long is bound to look like wet cunts." Monty cringed half-assedly. "Trust us when we say this, but we like baked over wet any fuckin' day."

"I can't tell you about the noise that it makes as well." Flash shook his head in a bored away.

"Yeah, when you turn on the microwave, it sounds like a dial tone that you basically hear on the phone when it gets shoved into an elephant's anus." Monty smirked. "I'm not gonna lie, you're actually hearing an elephant farting instead of a microwave. That's what it fuckin' sounds like!"

"How this shit ever get sold in the 1970's is beyond me." Flash scoffed as he lowered his head in embarrassment.

"Yeah, whoever made them should put his own head into the microwave, just for being a fuckin' retard." Monty scowled as he flipped off the camera. "So therefore, fuck microwaves and while you're at it, put SpongeBob inside there and cook his fuckin' ass!"

"I agree. Fuck SpongeBob." Flash smirked, flipping off the camera as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, A-Hole Monty and A-Hole Flash has a point. Don't get me wrong, I think microwaves is the greatest invention since television. That's probably their opinion.
> 
> More RantBuster crap coming soon! Feedbacks are appreciated! Until next time, same Warrior time, same Warrior channel! PEACE!


	7. Flash and Monty on Stuck In The Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rant on Stuck In The Middle!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything associated with My Little Pony, Phineas and Ferb, and the SmarkBusters channel on YouTube, in which this fic is a parody of. My Little Pony and it's characters are owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust, Phineas and Ferb and it's characters are owned by Disney, Jeff 'Swampy" Marsh and Dan Povenmire, and SmarkBusters and its channel are owned by the Left SmarkBuster and Right SmarkBuster. Anyway, here's my favorite cross-fandom bromance in a parody of the SmarkBusters channel. Eeyup, we're talking about Monty Monogram from Phineas and Ferb and Flash Sentry from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.

Both Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram were shown sitting on their stools, wearing a Mexican sombrero.

"E-ho-lay!" Monty exclaimed. "You know what fuckin' time it is!"

"Yeah, this is the part where we find some random shit show to review, and so far, we ended up with this retarded shit." Flash groaned. "And it's from fuckin' Disney Channel."

"Yeah, me and Flash are gonna review _Stuck In The Middle_ , a brand new sitcom full of illegal aliens." Monty smirked. "It's the first time Disney Channel had ever attempted a sitcom where it's nothing but fuckin' Mexicans. It's like a combination of _George Lopez_ meets _The Brady Bunch_ meets _Malcolm In The Middle_ , except the very shitty laugh track that plays in the background."

"I haven't looked at the show itself, but I do know it's another fuckin' _Brady_ ripoff," Flash groaned again. "The other was fuckin' _Step By Step_ , and that lasted longer than those retarded Bradys ever did. And yes, I did love Cousin Oliver on _The Brady Bunch_! He fuckin' stole that show."

"Well, anyway, the show's about this weird little fuck named Harley Diaz." Monty sighed in distress. "I didn't know this while looking at her, but if you have ever seen the show _Dog With A Blog_ where they have a character named Avery, then you will know one thing knowing by that different hair color... THIS GIRL LOOKS LIKE FUCKIN' AVERY FROM DOG WITH A BLOG!"

"It's like she ran away from home, dyed his hair, and sounded like a total retard." Flash smirked, lifting his pants up.

"Anyway, to make things clear..." Monty said, clearing his throat. "The family consists of three girls and three boys. Totally fuckin' boring than the rest. First of all, one dresses like a fuckin' hooker from _Full Metal Jacket_ , one looks like a mini prickish Mexican John Stamos, one's a ditzy dork with a fuckin' Diana Ross haircut, the other is twins, and the last child in the family is named Daphne. Great fuckin' hit, you assholes of Disney. You might as well bring back _I Didn't Do It_ while you're at it."

"Bring back _The Brady Bunch_ too." Flash shouted out.

"I didn't watch much, but I did managed to see some parts of the show." Monty groaned. "For instance, Harley kept yelling 'Donuts' like a dumbass, and the other girl, which is named George (I think), hits someone with a basketball and dives fucking facefirst onto a basketball court. And believe it or not, one of their neighbors gets rained on by shit. I'm not fuckin' lying. The old middle-aged fart gets rained on by actual SHIT! There's actually fuckin' SHIT on this show! FINALLY, AN ACTUAL DISNEY CHANNEL SHOW THAT HAS SOMEONE GETTING RAINED ON BY SHIT!"

"Yeah, it's about time Disney Channel finally listened to their fuckin' audience," Flash scoffed. "If only if you added actual shit to shows like _Bunk'd,_ _Best Friends Whenever or K.C. Undercover_ , than ratings would fuckin' skyrocket off the roof."

"But not Girl Meets World, because that piece of fuck sucks." Monty replied with a nod. "At least Stuck In The Middle's very interesting. Yeah, it has their sucky points and all, but if the channel shows more actual shit, then it's a very good show. So, I'll give it a little pass on this one. It may not be the best show on there, nor it's the worst. It's average like a puddle of vomit that doesn't seem to smell."

Suddenly, Flash felt his stomach rumble like crazy. Basically as a sign of hunger.

"I don't know why, but I'm craving for donuts." Flash smirked.

"Eh, me too." Monty smirked as well while flipping off to the camera. "Anyway, to close this out, Disney Channel: More poop, more ratings. Fuck SpongeBob."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I actually love Stuck In The Middle. I think the equation says it all: George Lopez meets The Brady Bunch meets Malcolm In The Middle. I definitely consider it to everyone, it's that good.
> 
> Anyway, more A-Hole Monty and A-Hole Flash coming soon! Feedbacks are appreciated! Until next time, same Warrior time, same Warrior channel! BOOSH!


	8. Flash and Monty on Ever After High's Dragon Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rant on Ever After High's Dragon Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything associated with My Little Pony, Phineas and Ferb, and the SmarkBusters channel on YouTube, in which this fic is a parody of. My Little Pony and it's characters are owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust, Phineas and Ferb and it's characters are owned by Disney, Jeff 'Swampy" Marsh and Dan Povenmire, and SmarkBusters and its channel are owned by the Left SmarkBuster and Right SmarkBuster. Anyway, here's my favorite cross-fandom bromance in a parody of the SmarkBusters channel. Eeyup, we're talking about Monty Monogram from Phineas and Ferb and Flash Sentry from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.

Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram were once again sitting on their usual stools, only this time, Flash was dressed up as Hunter Huntsman and Monty was dressed up as Daring Charming.

"My ass hurts sitting on this metal stool." Flash sighed.

"Blame your girlfriend, she bought them." Monty replied as he looked right to the camera. "So, the rest of you are wondering why we're dressed up like Ever After High characters. Well, as shameful as this is, we like Ever After High. We watch every webisode that comes out, of course with the exception of _Lizzie Hearts' Fairytale First Date_ , we all know how much that fuckin' sucked dog shit. Anyway, if the rest of you ever followed the Ever After High movies, you know about the recent one that came out on Netflix, which is called _Dragon Games_."

"Yeah, when in fact, it should be called _Dragon Gays_!" Flash sneered.

"The reason Flash came up with that smarky title is because, well, have you ever seen the fuckin' movie?" Monty shrugged. "If you haven't, here's what happened: It's when Raven's evil queen mother escapes all thanks to a fuckin' apple that Apple throws in the mirror. And then all hell breaks loose. We see dragons flying everywhere, dragons breathing fire, baby dragons, dragons puking, the Blue-Eyes White Dragon, the Red-Eyes Black Dragon and a shot of Sparrow Hood acting like a retard."

"Did he even do anything but act like a fuckin big-breasted schoolgirl, because I sure don't think so!" Flash exclaimed. "I don't think Blondie Bitchlockes ever did anything either. The only thing I ever seen her do notable in the movie was smile like a fuckin' dumbass on speed!"

"Anyway, the reason I've been wanting to bring up _Dragon Games_ for quite sometime was that I could mention one of the characters of the show, which is Daring Charming." Monty clearly replied. "If you're ever familiar with Snow White and her seven mother fuckin' midgets, you know that Prince Charming wakes up Snow White with true love's kiss. Anyway, Daring tried to kiss Apple, only to find out she doesn't fuckin' wake up. And it was all thanks to Faybitch Thorn. I don't call her Faybelle, I call her Faybitch. That's what she is: A bitch."

"We're so gonna get killed by her when she hears this." Flash grinned stupidly.

"Daring finds out she's not Apple's prince, which is nothing but fuckin' bullshit." Monty groaned. "Why is it bullshit? To be honest, I really ship Daring Charming and Apple White as a couple. I shipped them harder since the fuckin'-ass pilot three years ago. They're cute and adorable as shit going through a blender and spraying it with apple-scented perfume just so it would smell nice. And what happens instead?!"

"SPOILER ALERT!" Flash screamed in front of the rant.

"Yeah, this really fuckin' happened!" Monty shrieked. "Darling Charming ends up 'kissing' Apple White, when in reality, it was actually CPR! But apparently, these so-called Appling shippers thinks that a kiss and CPR are the same fucking thing. I say, fuck off! There is nothing romantic about CPR! CPR is a procedure that involves life-saving by adding breath inside someone so that they could breathe. Why are people assuming that CPR is gay? If you were a male nurse and you ever have, I don't know, like some fat guy dying and you don't want to give him CPR in a gay way, you'd let him die! Same thing that happens with women. You really think Mattel is ever gonna go with this gay Apple/Darling ship, all because people mistake a simple life-saving procedure as a very mouth-to-mouth lesbian kiss? I cringe to think that! It's like if Hasbro decided to fuckin' make Rainbow Dash gay with Pinkie Fuckin' Pie! Or a My Little Pony/Phineas and Ferb crossover where I get paired with Flash sitting beside me! To me, it sounds super fuckin' gay!"

Embarrassed to think of this moment, Flash put on the brown-green hoodie he got on and put it over his head, just to cover himself.

"What the fuck were you really thinking, Mattel?" Flash groaned.

"I think the loyal and faithful Daring/Apple shippers are cutting themselves hearing this show now," Monty groaned. "And they're gonna cut themselves more when I say this: There's gonna be another Ever After High movie called _Epic Winter,_ where a Daring Charming doll will finally be released... along with a two-pack with Rosabella Beauty. That's right, Daring's gonna be the next fucking Beast! What's worse, Mattel is gonna shove fuckin' Rosabella Beauty down our g****mn throats! You know who this stupid glasses-wearing bitch reminds me of? Fuckin' Beth from Total Drama! Rosabella Beauty is mother fuckin' Beth from Total Drama. I mean, they have the same brunette hair, same glasses, same nerdy appearance and same ass-kissing exterior!"

Clearing his throat, Flash decided to approach face-first to the camera with a closeup. He then started yelling:

"THIS WHOLE WORLD SUCKS!" Flash shrieked. "MATTEL SUCKS! EVER AFTER HIGH SUCKS! DRAGON GAYS SUCK! ROSABELLA BEAUTY SUCKS! THE WRITERS SUCK! THE VOICE ACTORS SUCK! YOU SUCK! THIS WILL NEVER GET OVER! GET THIS THROUGH YOUR FUCKIN' HEAD, IT WILL NEVER GET THE FUCK OVER! YOU MATTEL, WILL LOSE VIEWERS OVER A G****MN SO-CALLED 'KISS' IN A CHILDREN'S MOVIE!"

Just like that, Flash Sentry walked out of the show. Not affected by his partner's departure, Monty managed to continue.

"Seriously, why do you think Ever After High is a punchline these days?" Monty shrugged. "I mean, it was originally a spinoff of Monster High. At least that show never did any so-called 'same sex' kissing. No, _Monster High_ was actually straight and down to the point with their relationships. But Ever After High and it's little bullshit movie called _Dragon Games_ throws the word 'straight' out the fuckin' window! I know what you're saying Ever After High fans, you marked out when Darling 'kissed' Apple awake-"

But Flash suddenly came back and shouted to the camera.

"DON'T YOU EVER TELL US WHY YOU THINK WE DID!" Flash growled angrily. "DID I MARK OUT WHEN THEY KISS? NO! I FUCKIN' VOMITED! I THREW UP EVERYWHERE AND SO DID THIS SON OF A BITCH SITTING RIGHT BEFORE ME! THAT'S RIGHT! IT WAS MOTHER FUCKIN' EVERYWHERE!"

Smirking in light of Flash's comment, Monty read one of the comments around his iPad.

"You guys are just pretending to hate Dragon Games because it's the way you are," Monty mocked right before he closed his IPad and looked to the camera face up. "Let me tell you something, assclown. We're not like that, okay? Don't get us wrong, we like Ever After High because of it's storyline! WE JUST FUCKIN' HATE HOW THE DIRECTION WENT ALL THANKS TO ONE FUCKIN' MOVIE! YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHING, VIRGIN? WE FUCKIN' HATE DRAGON GAMES! IT FUCKING HAD EVERYTHING THAT MADE ME WANT TO SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FUCKIN' HEAD! WE HAD A RETARDED-AS-SHIT SPARROW HOOD, A BRAINDEAD BLONDIE LOCKES, THAT FUCKIN' SHEMALE DARLING CHARMING, THAT STUPID CUM-GUZZLING RAVEN QUEEN, THE STUPID BALL-SCRATCHER KNOWN AS RAVEN'S MOM, AND THAT STUPID SO-CALLED GAY KISS! MATTEL IS NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF GAY FA-

_***We are experiencing some technical difficulties at this moment...*** _

"...I HOPE FUCKING ROSABELLA BEAUTY GETS FUCKIN' KILLED BY A SLEDGEHAMMER BECAUSE THAT'S HOW MUCH I FUCKIN' WANT DARING CHARMING AND APPLE G****MN WHITE TO END UP TOGETHER!" Monty screamed angrily. "AND THAT'S HOW MUCH I WANT IT TO FUCKIN' HAPPEN! FUCK LIFE! FUCK MATTEL! FUCK EVER AFTER HIGH! FUCK THESE OUTFITS THAT WE WORE FOR FUCKIN' NOTHING, FUCK HUNTER HUNTSMAN, ASHLYNN ELLA, BRIAR BEAUTY, MADDIE HATTER, DEXTER CHARMING, DARLING CHARMING, THAT ROSABELLA BUTTHOLE BITCH, EVERYONE ASSOCIATED WITH DRAGON GAMES, AND FOR GOOD FUCKIN' RIDDANCE, FUCK SPONGEBOB FUCKIN' SQUAREPANTS!"

Instead of closing it out with the middle finger to the camera, Monty shoves the camera to the floor, turning it into static.


	9. Flash and Monty on What's Bullshit and What's Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rants on what's bullshit and what's not!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything associated with My Little Pony, Phineas and Ferb, and the SmarkBusters channel on YouTube, in which this fic is a parody of. My Little Pony and it's characters are owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust, Phineas and Ferb and it's characters are owned by Disney, Jeff 'Swampy" Marsh and Dan Povenmire, and SmarkBusters and its channel are owned by the Left SmarkBuster and Right SmarkBuster. Anyway, here's my favorite cross-fandom bromance in a parody of the SmarkBusters channel. Eeyup, we're talking about Monty Monogram from Phineas and Ferb and Flash Sentry from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.

Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram once again took their spots on their stools while the camera was rolling.

"Hi fuckers!" Monty waved.

"We here to do another rant for all of you watching," Flash smirked. "Yeah, that means you people of China."

"Yeah, and if you find that offensive, then blame this blue-haired shit standing before me." Monty said, pointing at Flash. "Anyway, to make a long story short, we made up a list of what's bullshit and what's not. And if you're asking, Flash did not take a shit on the list this time. Although if he did, he'd probably mail it to Justin Bieber. That's how much we hate him."

"And _Girl Meets World_ , we hate that too." Flash nodded.

"Anyway, I'm gonna list out all of the things that are bullshit," Monty groaned. "And if you really find this offensive, then leave to some other smark channel. Or beat the shit out of Flash Sentry if you want, it's fine with me."

After taking a huge deep breath, Monty started naming everything from his mouth one at a time.

"The things that are bullshit are Donald Trump, vegetables, gay anal sex, disco music, Justin Bieber's music, women's golf, Seth Rollins, Girl Meets World, 19 Kids and Counting, shitty bubblegum pop, Barbie dolls, that horrible Fantastic Four remake from last year, fuckin' chick flicks, shit floating from the toilet, people watching us pee in public, pus tumors, legs that fall asleep for long, soap operas, Tiger Woods, places with broken AC, Alaska, shows on Nickelodeon now, atomic wedgies, shit getting smeared on walls, Pauly Shore movies, some Adam Sandler movies, fat guys taking a dump, Thomas The Tank Engine, cults, racists, terrorists, people that sound Forrest Gump, WWE firing Hulk Hogan, Ever After High being gay, Darling "Straight-Killer" Charming, Rosabella Beauty aka Rosabella ButtHole Bitch, computer viruses, awkward prostate exams, and the most bullshit thing on the list, Oprah."

With a scowl, Monty bundled the list into a ball and threw it way off-screen (basically into a trash can).

"Nice shot, dude." Flash smirked.

After he was done with the list, Monty grabbed another sheet of paper standing before him.

"Okay, now here are things that are not bull-shit: Porn, chicks, Mountain Dew, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, WWE, Ring of Honor, Lucha Underground, butt-hurt people, that awesome Meat Lovers pizza that we had last night, deathmatch wrestling, that PS4 I have with WWE 2K16 playing, rock music, some rap music, Dove Cameron, Ross Lynch in a not gay way, R5, The Rock, John Cena memes, Seth Rollins when he's actually not on TV, some Disney Channel shows like 'Austin & Ally' and 'Liv and Maddie', my hot girlfriend, Flash's hot girlfriend, porn stars dressing up in cosplay, Hot Pockets, buffalo wings, Madden NFL Football, firecrackers, Bernie Sanders, Colonel Sanders, every episode of DuckTales streamed on to YouTube, Launchpad McQuack, Tifa Lockhart, big booty chicks, big boobied chicks, big booty and booby chicks, Mr. Horse from 'Ren & Stimpy', any game with the King of Fighters name on it, Angry Video Game Nerd, Angry Grandpa, Bad Grandpa, actual name brand products, The Eagles, SmarkBusters, Dave & Busters, Ghostbusters, MILF's, Monster High chicks, Russian chicks, Black chicks, Asian chicks, Canadian chicks, Brazilian chicks, Rocky Mountain High, that Afroman song 'Because I Got High', getting high, and just to close this shit out, Ever After High when it was mother-fuckin straight!"

Yet again, Monty bundled the list into a ball, and threw it right at the camera.

"There, that should keep you all smarks and fuckers satisfied." Monty groaned.

"You also forgot to write anything related to Roman Reigns, Daring Charming, Apple White, Resident Evil and breasts that are actually grabbable." Flash reminded him.

"Yeah, I forgot that." Monty nodded. "Anyway, we were about to do a list on the top 10 chicks that we want to fuck, but Flash mistakenly wiped his ass with it as toilet paper."

"I can't lie, but it felt like cotton between my buns." Flash said, laughing his butt off.

"You really need to lay off the pot, dude." Monty sighed. "Anyway, apologies to Matt Damon, we ran out of time. We'll try to get him on the show next week, but until then, fuck Darling Charming."

"Yeah, fuck SpongeBob too." Flash smirked as he flipped at the camera.


	10. Flash and Monty on Bad Fast Food Items

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rant on Bad Fast Food Items!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything associated with My Little Pony, Phineas and Ferb, and the SmarkBusters channel on YouTube, in which this fic is a parody of. My Little Pony and it's characters are owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust, Phineas and Ferb and it's characters are owned by Disney, Jeff 'Swampy" Marsh and Dan Povenmire, and SmarkBusters and its channel are owned by the Left SmarkBuster and Right SmarkBuster. Anyway, here's my favorite cross-fandom bromance in a parody of the SmarkBusters channel. Eeyup, we're talking about Monty Monogram from Phineas and Ferb and Flash Sentry from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.

Both Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram were seen sitting down on their stools as always, wearing Burger King crowns on their head as the camera started rolling at them.

"Welcome, fuckers!" Flash waved like a moron.

"Same here, too." Monty waved as well. "We're here to talk about bad bullshit fast food items."

"We are possibly talking about the most horrible things those fast food restaurants sell." Flash reminded everyone watching at him. "And yes, we're still living to tell about it, considering that this shit we tried didn't manage to fuckin' kill us."

"Anyway, to make this short yet again, let's start out with the shit McDonald's put out." Monty groaned. "First up, the McGriddles. It's just two small blueberry pancakes crushing a fried egg and a poor sausage patty to fuckin' death. For shit's sake, how did fruit and meat ever blend together? You rather take potted meat and a banana so you can blend them together, and drink it. It tastes like fuckin' wet dog food, and I had to do that on a dare. I lost by the way."

"And I won twenty dollars as a result." Flash said, holding a $20 that he brought out from his pocket.

"Let's continue on, I'm gonna talk about McDonald's wings." Monty groaned. "No, just no. There's no reason McDonald's needs to go there. We don't need another fuckin' KFC or a Church's running through here. McDonalds should sell nothing but Big Mac's, chicken sandwiches, and McNuggets! That's the way it's fuckin' been since fuckin' 1955! Hot wings should belong at either Hooters, Buffalo Wild Wings, Wing-Stop, or fuckin' Dave & Busters! Never at fuckin' McShit!"

Flash somehow let out a good chuckle at Monty's little rage-filled rant.

"McShit?!" The blue-haired hoodie-wearer chuckled. "That's a good one."

"Okay, now that we've got McDonalds out of the way, let's talk about Burger King," Monty replied. "Recently, they're out selling this new thing on their menu called BK's Grilled Dogs. Burger King is out there selling hot dogs. Why?"

"What the fuck were you thinking BK?!" Flash shouted.

"Yeah!" Monty exclaimed. "Why in the hell are you selling hot dogs all of a sudden? Your name's Burger King! You're supposed to be out there selling nothing but fuckin' Whoppers! Hot dogs do not have any place in Burger King! They belong in supermarkets, convenience stores, eating contests and even fuckin' Sonic! Even they did hot dogs justice, and I actually like them!"

"It's like someone buying a Domino's Pizza down at Taco Bell, it doesn't fuckin' fit!" Flash shrieked.

"Even the chicken at Burger King doesn't fit either!" Monty cried out loud. "BK also has this thing called the Flame Grilled Chicken Burger. You wanna know what that is? It's a Whopper with the patty only cooked less. It tastes fuckin' nasty! It's like you chopped up John Wayne Bobbitt's cock off, smashed into a patty and put it on the grill. Can't you see? IT'S A FUCKIN' COCK YOU'RE TASTING, FOLKS!"

"Yeah, and everyone watching this doesn't even fuckin' know who John Wayne Bobbitt was!" Flash cried out as well.

"Speaking of cocks, let's move on to Hardees," Monty groaned. "Now just to be clear, I always prefer Hardees burgers more than the Big Mac and the Whopper combined. McDonalds and Burger King are the only two restaurants I know that doesn't have angus beef. I don't know, maybe McDonalds does have Angus beef, I can't fuckin' tell the difference."

"Even if they did have, it wouldn't fuckin' taste like Hardees at all." Flash pointed out.

However, the two smarks grew tired of the crowns they we're wearing on top of their head. So they ended up throwing them away.

"Well, that's better," Monty sighed again. "And if the McGriddles and BK's Grilled Dogs weren't enough, Hardee's came out with the worst shitty burger I have ever had the dishonor of even eating: The Most American Thickburger."

"I don't get it," Flash shrugged before shouting. "What's so fuckin' American about it? It's just a thickburger with hot dogs and potato chips on it! Once again, hot dogs doesn't have no fuckin' place in a fast food place consisting of burgers! How would you fuckin' feel if everyone started selling hamburgers in hot dog restaurants? IT WOULD BE THE FUCKIN' END OF THIS WHOLE GOD-FORSAKENED WORLD! KEEP HOT DOGS OUT OF FUCKIN' RESTAURANTS! KEEP THEM OUT OF MCDONALDS! KEEP THEM OUT OF BURGER KING! KEEP THEM OUT OF KFC, WENDY'S, TACO BELL, ARBY'S, WHATEVER FUCKIN FAST FOOD YOU CAN EVEN FUCKIN' THINK OF! FUCK HOT DOGS! FUCK THEM TO FUCKIN' HEEEEEEEEEELL!"

In an ounce of rage, Flash Sentry left his stool and walked out. Possibly for good. Monty even looked to the left, just to make sure that Flash was gone for good.

"Yeah, I don't think Flash is coming back." Monty shook his head. "To make this short to everyone working at fast food: Get rid of hot dogs. You're making America retarded. Fuck them, and fuck SpongeBob." He said, flipping off at the camera.


	11. Flash and Monty on Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rant on Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything associated with My Little Pony, Phineas and Ferb, and the SmarkBusters channel on YouTube, in which this fic is a parody of. My Little Pony and it's characters are owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust, Phineas and Ferb and it's characters are owned by Disney, Jeff 'Swampy" Marsh and Dan Povenmire, and SmarkBusters and its channel are owned by the Left SmarkBuster and Right SmarkBuster. Anyway, here's my favorite cross-fandom bromance in a parody of the SmarkBusters channel. Eeyup, we're talking about Monty Monogram from Phineas and Ferb and Flash Sentry from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.

Once again, Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram sat on their signature stools like always. Both of them had dissatisfied looks on their faces.

"Why in the fuck did I ever put up this shit...?" Monty groaned.

"Me too," Flash nodded. "What the hell was Nickelodeon thinking?!"

"For those who aren't familiar with the French, we found a cartoon that for once, didn't make any sense to me." Monty groaned again. "It involves cats, bugs, artists, cupids, black knights, people blowing bubbles, and bitchy blonde cunts. If you're retarded enough to know what this isn't called, it's called _Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir_."

"I was so disappointed that this wasn't a fuckin' nature show." Flash smirked while shaking his head.

"Well, it has the word 'Ladybug' in the title, so basically it is a nature show." Monty shrugged.

With a deep breath, Flash built up his anger the best he can and shouted out:

"EXCEPT THAT IT'S FUCKIN' NOT!" He screamed. "IT'S ABOUT TWO TEENAGERS DRESSING UP IN RETARDED COSTUMES AND CATCHING WHITE BUTTERFLIES! ANY MENTALLY CHALLENGED KID CAN CATCH BUTTERFLIES WAY BETTER THAN THAT LADYBUG BITCH!"

"Well, to make a long story short, the show is about two French teenage superheroes named Ladybug and Cat Noir," Monty explained. "One of the characters, I think his name is Adrien, dresses up like he's headed to an S&M furry party. You can tell because of those fuckin' cat ears on his head. This guy is nothing but a gay anthro blonde-haired furry! This guy's cat uniform makes Catwoman hack furballs all over the TV set!"

"And what about that blue-haired butthole named Marinette?" Flash shrugged. "Have you ever checked out her uniform, including the back? Why is there a ladybug on her ass? Tell me Nickelodeon, WHY IS THERE A FUCKIN' LADYBUG ON HER ASS!? YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET A PRAYING MANTIS SHOVED UP TIMMY TURNER'S ASS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!"

"Around the show, Cat Noir and Ladybug start to fight every different villain each episode." Monty explained yet again. "I can't tell who the villains are because I haven't been seeing the show that much often, but I can tell that there's this guy surrounded by white butterflies all of a sudden called Hawk Moth. Seeing this guy, this fucker doesn't even look like a hawk or a moth. For some ungodly reason, he looks like a fuckin Phantom ripoff! If the rest of you people who aren't familiar with _The Phantom_ , it's the 1996 movie starring a Vin Diesel lookalike named Billy Zane. It's like you took the Phantom and made him all evil looking and gave him a lousy ass villain name. Why? Wasn't Douchebag McBoner taken? Because that's what Hawk Moth is. He's nothing but a douchebag and a boner."

"I didn't watch that much either." Flash admitted. "All I know is that every single character on that show sucks. You have Chloe, who always hits on Ross Lynch, you have Marinette's geeky friend Alya, who looks like someone drew a fuckin' dot on her head, you have Adrien's other friend Nino, who already sucks just looking at him. And of course, you have Tiki and Plagg, which is small cat and ladybug. They're so annoying and irritating that it makes me wanna shoot myself in the fucking vocal cords after hearing them. They're too squeaky like fuckin' Sweetie Belle from _My Little Pony_."

"And that's all we have to say about Ladybug and Cat Noir." Monty sighed as he ripped the script off, rolled it into a ball and threw it away. "Is it boring? Yes. Is it dogshit? Totally, since we don't watch anything French. Is that really good? Well, I wouldn't say that, but if there's anything I have to say something good about Miraculous, at least it's fucking g****mn better than _19 Kids and Counting_! At least _Miraculous Ladybug_ was interesting since it had a story. _19 Kids_ has no story and it floods your mind with nothing but whiny little bitches at home who cry all because little Joshie Duggar touched them! Whereas _Miraculous Ladybug_ actually had a fuckin' plot, _19 Kids_ eats dogshit blending through a blender full of monkey piss! Believe me, that's a drink you don't wanna taste!"

Rolling his eyes, Flash let out a long satiated sigh and gave his honest opinion.

"I guess you can at least surprisingly say _Miraculous Ladybug_ it's a good show." The blue-haired smark nodded.

"Yeah, I changed my mind, it's actually a very good average show." Monty nodded as well. "It's not great, nor is it not bad, it's average like a dry turd that doesn't stink. But _19 Kids_ stinks, and it makes me wanna kill myself for mentioning the show in the first place."

After another long silence, Monty turned to Flash.

"Anything you wanna say, Flash?" He replied.

"Yeah, don't fuck Ladybug, fuck _19 Kids_ instead." Flash flipped off the camera.

"And fuck SpongeBob too." Monty said, flipping off the camera as well.


	12. Flash and Monty's 15 Reasons List 1 - 15 Reasons Why Nickelodeon Sucks Nowadays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty list 15 Reasons Why Nickelodeon Sucks Nowadays!

Flash Sentry was in his stool sitting by himself for a minute as Monty Monogram came in with a sheet of paper in hand. As the camera came rolling in, Monty spoke with deep regret.

"Here we are once again, shitbags." Monty sighed. "We got a little first for this channel, so if you're new to this channel, than congratulations, we hate you and your ugly face."

"We have here is a Top 15 list in case if you viewers are interested." Flash said, pointing to the list that Monty held in his hand.

"We had many ideas for a Top 15 list, such as _15 Reasons Why Barack Obama_ Is The Best President and _15 Reasons Why We Hate You_." Monty replied. "But we're not doing that. Instead, this is _Flash and Monty's 15 Reasons Why Nickelodeon Sucks Nowadays._ "

"If you don't like the list, then go off picking your ass and smell it deep." Flash replied.

After a deep breath, Monty started off the list.

" _ **Number 15, all of the good cartoons are gone**_ ," Monty replied. "I remember Nickelodeon starting to get good somewhere around the mid '90's and early 2000's. You know, we had shows like _Doug_ , _Ren & Stimpy_, _Hey Arnold!_ , _The Wild Thornberrys_ , _Aaaaah! Real Monsters_ , _Rocket Power_ , _The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, Danny Phantom, The Fairly Oddparents, The Angry Beavers,_ and of course, _SpongeBob SquarePants_ when it didn't fuckin' suck."

"But they're all fuckin' gone with the exception of Fairly Oddparents and SpongeBob." Flash groaned. "Instead, we get Harvey Beaks, Sanjay and Craig, Pig Banana Goat Cricket and Breadwinners, which all eat dogshit. In fact, it's the kind of dogshit that you refuse to go near of. It has that smell of rotten skunk and B.O. being put into a blender and smeared it over dog feces. That's what's today cartoons on Nickelodeon are now."

"Okay, **_number 14, we don't know any of the celebrities now_**." Monty groaned.

"WHO IN THE FUCK IS KIRA CO-SIREN AND WHY IN THE HELL DO I NEED TO KNOW?!" Flash yelled. "TELL ME HOW DO I NEED TO KNOW?!"

"Seriously, where is Kenan Thompson or Kel Mitchell when you need them?" Monty shrugged in disbelief. "Hell, where is Victoria Justice or the fat girl from _All That_? All of them act way better than those fuckin r-tards! All except for Jace Norman from _Henry_ Fuckin' _Danger,_ he's okay even though I hardly ever watch that show that much."

"We hardly ever watch it all, how about that?!" Flash said, bringing it out.

"Moving on at _**Number 13**_ is _**Jamie Lynn Spears getting knocked up**_." Monty groaned. "Apparently, I don't fuckin' care about what happened to her. I think he got knocked up by some Casey guy, so I ain't going there, so let's moving on. _**Number 12, Marc Summers left**_."

From there, Flash laid out one long groan.

"If no one's ever familiar with Marc Summers..." Flash replied.

"Obviously no one who was either born in the 2000s knows who that is." Monty said, cutting him off.

"Yeah, what he said." Flash pointed it out. "Like I said, for anyone who's not familiar to Marc Summers, he was the host of _Double Dare_ , which is possibly one of the best, if not, one of the greatest game shows of all time. He then hosted _Super Sloppy Double Dare_ and especially _Family Double Dare_ , which still hold out to this very day. When he left Nickelodeon, it started turning into total shit. It didn't really start to become shit until like 2013 or whatever, but him leaving was just to plant the fuckin' seeds."

"Yeah, and now he's doing Food Network, where apparently, he's fucking Rachael Ray." Monty lied with a smirk. "Next up at _**Number 11**_ is when **_all of the new Spongebob episodes started becoming shit_**. Don't get us wrong, everyone, but there was a time where we used to love _SpongeBob SquarePants_. We loved every episode there was, but to be honest, we only loved the show when Stephen Hillenburg was in charge. When he left, it was all shit. SpongeBob looked like a turd, Patrick became retarded, Squidward became godawfully annoying and Mr. Krabs became one heartless asshole which made everyone thinking that Plankton was a sympathetic good guy."

"I'm very certain whoever's in charge of WWE's crappy booking was in charge of the later SpongeBob episodes as well." Flash guessed out loud.

" _ **Number 10, every game show that aired on Nickelodeon is gone.**_ " Monty said on the list.

"NOW THERE'S FUCKIN' HARDLY EVERY THING ON NOWADAYS!" Flash screamed angrily.

Just to calm himself down, Flash brought out a drink of Mountain Dew and took a sip.

"Back in the mid-90's, there were a lot of Nickelodeon Game Shows," Monty sighed. "You had Double Dare which we just mentioned, Legends of the Hidden Temple, Nickelodeon GUTS, Nick Arcade, Figure It Out, Get The Picture, Finders Keepers but now, we get something called Paradise Run which is like an even more shittier version of the Amazing Race, hosted by that fuckin' cocksucker Trina Vega!"

"Shouldn't fuckin' Trina Vega get gangbanged right now by everyone at Hollywood Arts?!" Flash smirked. "That's what I love to see happen!"

"Yeah, newsflash Nickelodeon, bring back all of the game shows we mention and cancel _**Paradise Run**_!" Monty demanded to the camera. "While you're at it, cancel _**Awesomeness TV**_ too while you're at it. That show is assbutt. _**Number 9**_ on the reason why Nickelodeon sucks nowadays, it's when _**Trixie Tang from The Fairly Oddparents became a cocksucking bitch**_."

"I'm not gonna even talk about that hooker." Flash snarled at the camera.

"Me too, she even looks like one." Monty groaned. "If you see _Full Metal Jacket_ , you'll know why. _**Number 8** _ on the list is _**the show "See Dad Run"**_. It's just basically Chachi without Joanie. And instead of Joanie, she marries the waiter with the really hairy pussy from _Waiting._ It's basically the _Girl Meets World_ of Nickelodeon, I just wanna see it die because it sucks dog shit, and you know what, I'M GLAD IT FUCKIN' DIED!"

Trying to control his anger, Monty took the can of Dew that Flash drank and sipped some as well.

"Mmmm, that Mountain Dew's very good, what is it?" Monty said to Flash.

"It's Livewire." The blue-haired smark replied.

"Oh, that's awesome, I hope I get turned to Kel Kimble." Monty smirked. "Anyway, **_number 7_** on the list is **_Angelica Pickles from Rugrats._** It's still been 25 years since Rugrats aired and yet, Angelica is nothing but a 3-year old fuckwad. She treats Tommy, Chuckie, Phil and Lil like shit and she whines, whines and whines when she doesn't get her fuckin' way."

"She's like Courtney from Total Drama with blonde hair," Flash replied. "The first time she talks, you just imagine shooting her right in the fuckin' mouth. I hope Shao Kahn from Mortal Kombat comes in with his fuckin' warhammer and smashes Angelica right in the fuckin brain, killing her on impact! Smash Jimmy from Ed, Edd n Eddy while you're at it too!"

Before he could get to the 6th reason, Monty pulled out a chocodile and ate it.

"Okay, _**number 6**_ on why Nickelodeon sucks nowadays, and this is a very good interesting one, _ **Disney Channel is better than Nickelodeon**_!" Monty nodded. "Why is it better than Nickelodeon? Well, we got better cartoons, better sitcoms (even though some of them suck a little), we have much hotter MILFs, and the movies are well appealing."

"What does Nickelodeon have nowadays?" Flash shrugged. "They have shittier cartoons, shitter actors (with the exception of Jace Norman), and just to top of the shit scale, _Fred: The Show_ and fuckin' _Marvin Marvin_!"

Monty couldn't help himself but laugh when he mentioned Marvin Marvin.

"Did anyone ever even see that show?" Monty said, trying to hold his laughter. "If you thought _Fred: The Show_ ruined Lucas Cruikshank's career, go see _Marvin Marvin_ on YouTube. That shit made me wanna shit for hours."

"And it's not even that good shit, either." Flash shook his head. "It's the kind of shit that makes you taste in your mouth while you're 69'ing a gay guy with diarrhea!"

"Speaking of good, _**number 5 and 4**_ altogether on the list, is that _**both Ross Lynch and Dove Cameron can kick their ass!**_ " Monty shouted. "I got no reason why, it's just because they can. Also, for everyone's information, both _Austin & Ally_ and _Liv and Maddie_ on Disney Channel are way better than every shitty sitcom Nickelodeon's got airing. Better yet, why doesn't Disney get _Henry Danger_ and Nickelodeon get _Girl Meets World_ instead? WHAT ABOUT THAT?!"

Once again, Monty took in another sip of Mountain Dew, just to calm him down.

"Okay, I don't have time to explain all of this, so I'm gonna make this quick as ever." Monty sighed. " ** _Number 3, Big Time Rush are shit._** It's about four guys who start a bubblegum boy band and they have gay anal sex at the end. ** _Number 2, Nicky, Ricky, Dicky and Dawn is shit._** Why is that show still fuckin' on the air?"

"That's definitely worse than _Game Shakers_ , _Bella And The Bulldogs_ and that shit-taking _School of Rock_ remake." Flash pointed it out.

"And finally, the _**number 1**_ reason why Nickelodeon sucks nowadays, and this is gonna be a very serious one at best," Monty said, therefore taking a deep breath and finally letting it all out, " _ **Nickelodeon fuckin' canceled "Victorious**_!"

Flash ended up hitting his forehead, shaking it in disbelief.

"What the shit we're you thinking, Nickelodeon?" Flash muttered.

"Yeah, Victorious was a fuckin' good show!" Monty cried out. "That show fuckin' made careers. So far, the only good three stars that ever came out of that show were Whoriana Grande, Avan Jogia aka Blake Michael's brother, and so far, the hottest sexiest piece of ass we all know and love, Victoria Justice! How fuckin' dare you cancel Victorious, shit-nuggets?!"

"That show was the best!" Flash shouted to the camera.

"Yeah, how dare you not pair Tori and Beck together!" Monty shouted as well. "Instead, you paired Beck and Jade together? Way to fuckin' go, turds! You might as well Whoriana with fuckin' Andy Samberg! Better yet, I got a better plotline: Hire fuckin' Rikishi to squash Jade to death so that Tori and Beck could be together! That way, if that happened earlier in the 4th season, that show would have gotten better ratings, and that the show should have never been canceled in the first place! GREEN-LIGHT THAT MOTHER FUCKIN' SHIT!"

And then, the two somehow ended their rant in angry, yet awkward silence.

"Okay, I'm done here," Monty groaned. "I ain't putting up their shit anymore..."

"Me too." Flash nodded as he flipped off the camera.

"God bless Victoria Justice, fuck SpongeBob." Monty said, flipping off the camera as well.


	13. Flash and Monty's Reviews - Liv and Maddie's Scoop-A-Rooney (aka If It Smells Like An Ed, Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty's review the Liv and Maddie's episode, "Scoop-A-Rooney"!

Both Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram were out sitting on their stools as usual, looking bored and tired.

"This fuckin sucks..." Flash moaned.

"Why in the fuck did you do it, Disney Channel?" Monty shrugged. "You made an episode of my favorite show on Disney Channel and you have it turned into dogshit all over. It was filled with twists and turns that made it enough for my bile to spin through the toilet."

"We're gonna do an episode review, folks." Flash replied with a wink. "It's a first for this channel."

"If you thought us reviewing _Ever After High's Dragon Games_ movie was worse, Liv and Maddie's "Scoop-a-Rooney" episode fuckin' kills everything in sight!" Monty exclaimed.

"If you're not comfortable seeing this review, go change the channel or better yet, go kill yourself." The blue-haired a-hole groaned.

Just to get himself started, Monty brought out an Oreo Brownie and chowed down. And then, he grabbed his notebook and started his review.

"So, the first scene we get is Whiteboy Urkel throwing out a challenge to both Josh and Seacat to see who's going to be the new cool best bro." Monty replied. "That idiot already has a brother. His name's Parker Fuckin' Rooney. Why in the hell does he need another brother all of a sudden?!"

"Basically because the fuckin Rooney family tree wasn't even big enough." Flash groaned. "You imagine Seacat being brothers with Joey aka Whiteboy Urkel? It's like watching a modern day _Carbon Copy."_

"For the rest of you not familiar with _Carbon Copy,_ it's a 1981 movie starring a young Denzel Washington. It's that fuckin' hilarious," Monty reminded everyone first-hand. "Anyway, moving on, we get a clip of Liv Rooney being interviewed by some chick named Nancy O'Dell, who some people may recognize her as the dumb bimbo from _Access Hollywood_. Liv tells Nancy she doesn't have time a boyfriend, which pisses Seacat off and he goes on a fuckin' rampage. Just kidding, he tells Liv why she had to lie, but Parker steps in and drops popcorn on Seacat's crotch."

"Now that fuckin' made me laugh," Flash smirked. "If Parker came in with a bowl of fire and spilled some on his burnt penis, that would fuckin' shoot ratings through the roof."

"Next scene really pisses me off, because it's the part where Parker's midget ginger friend shows up, and I'm not gonna even go there." Monty groaned in misery. "Instead, I'm gonna skip to the scene where Josh plays with Maddie's glasses, and Nancy O'Fucknuts catches them together, mistaking Maddie for Liv. And now, Holden- uh, I mean, Seacat gets pissed telling Liv that he's the guy. Who the fuck is Seacat now? Roman Reigns?! Around 4 minutes, I fell asleep because I didn't want to go through the Whiteboy Urkel and Ginger Midget parts."

"THEY BOTH FUCKING SUCK!" Flash shouted. "WHY HAVE THEM IN THE SHOW IN THE FIRST PLACE!?"

"Better yet, why do they even fuckin' exist?" Monty shrugged. "I swear, Dez from Austin & Ally is more appealing than Whiteboy Urkel. The different is, Dez has character while Whiteboy Urkel just smiles, looks and grins like a retarded gorilla. And they're even more appealing than Joey Rooney itself."

Flash suddenly engorged himself in hysterical laughter from that statement. Yet again, Monty took another bite of his Oreo Brownie and continued on.

"Anyway, this next part gets sad and depressing," Monty groaned once again. "It's when Liv and Seacat break up. I feel like this year is getting sadder all of a sudden. Just then, we lost Lemmy, David Bowie, Glenn Frey, Maurice White, Merle Haggard, Prince, and Chyna. We had Daring Charming not being Apple White's prince anymore, and I think just a month later, Black Canary dies on _Arrow_. And now, the writers fuckin' destroy Liv and Seacat just like that? WHAT WE'RE THEY MOTHER-FUCKIN' G****MN THINKING?!"

"You fuckin' lost viewers as a result, Disney Channel!" Flash said, screaming to the camera. "YOU FUCKIN' KILLED LOLDEN! YOU MIGHT AS WELL FUCKIN' KILL GLENN FROM "WALKING DEAD" WHILE YOU'RE AT IT! WAIT A MINUTE, IS GLENN EVEN FUCKIN' DEAD?!"

"I don't know dude, I hardly ever watch the show..." Monty groaned yet again.

"WELL, IF HE FUCKIN' IS, THEN THE REST OF YOU NETWORKS CAN GO FUCKIN SUCK YOUR OWN COCK JUST TO REALIZE YOU FUCKIN' MESSED UP!" The blue-haired a-hole screamed again.

Just to calm down, Flash brought out a bottled water and took a sip.

"Anyway, we never see Nancy O'Cunt again." Monty groaned with a scowl still on his face. "Instead, we get a scene where Parker Fuckin' Rooney, Dump Truck and the Ginger Midget drinking a huge slushie, which sucked dogshit. So, anyway, when we get to Liv and Maddie's scene..."

"Spoiler alert, folks!" Flash smirked.

"DIGGIE FUCKIN' RETURNS!" Monty shouted out. "He's fuckin' back! I didn't even know he left all of a sudden! So, this creates friction between Maddie, Diggie and Josh where it comes to a point where Maddie's gotta choose between two men. And then, Liv and Seacat become friends again and I don't give a shit."

"Yep, that's the end of the episode folks." Flash nodded.

"There, how about that, that's your fuckin' episode!" Monty growled as he rolled the paper up into a ball and threw it. "What was the fuckin' point of that, Disney? You had a couple that had a lot of potential, only to puke on it and throw it in the fuckin' trash! What are you planning to do? Turning Xander from _Bunk'd_ into a fuckin' racist? Make Shelby from _Best Friends Whenever_ into a lesbian? Hell, are you planning to have Nemesis from _Resident Evil_ nuke the entire cast of _Girl Meets World_ with a fuckin' rocket launcher, because I'd fuckin' love that!"

"Who in the hell runs the Disney Channel nowadays?" Flash shrugged.

"Maybe Joel Schumacher," Monty guessed. "He's the turd who created _Batman & Robin_."

"Yeah, that's a possibility." Flash nodded while taking his sip of water.

"Anyway, to close this out, I'd love to share a few words to all of you watching." Monty sighed. "I once masturbated to Sadie Calvano and I'm proud of it. Fuck SpongeBob."

And then, the two flipped off to the camera, ending the segment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, for those of you who didn't get that little Seacat reference, it's a character from the Teen Beach series, which was played by Jordan Fisher, the guy who plays Holden on Liv and Maddie. Just so everyone knows. Plus, Whiteboy Urkel is Joey Rooney also.
> 
> Plus, for those who don't know who Sadie Calvano is, she's the actress on CBS's Mom. And yes, she's past 18 years old, folks, so she's legal.
> 
> Anyway, more RantBuster shit going on next chapter, so feedbacks are welcome.


	14. Flash and Monty rant on some more Ever After High shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, both Flash and Monty rant on some more Ever After High crap!

Once again, both Flash and Monty sat their asses on top of their usual stools. This time, Flash was wearing an Iron Man shirt and Monty was wearing a Captain America shirt. With a groan, Monty began his rant.

"Well, today's that day." Monty sighed. "Captain America: Civil War is out and so far, Flash's little red-and-yellow Iron Man shirt looks like shit."

"Try telling that to Monty's shirt," Flash smirked at the camera. "It looks like a bulls-eye painted red, white and blue. It's like someone's trying to shoot him."

"But enough about death threats, we're gonna rant on some more Ever After High shit." Monty groaned.

"Oh god, is this about Rosabella Butthole-Bitch?" Flash whined in disgust.

"More than that, it's about the webisode we watched called _A Tale of Two Parties_." Monty groaned again. "First of all, the new theme song sucks dogshit."

"You ever heard of the song _Fight Song_ by that Rachel chick?" Flash growled. "The Ever After High theme song sounds nothing more than a _Fight Song_ soundalike! The only Fight Song I prefer is the song title by Marilyn Manson and that song kicks ass. Get rid of the pussy song by that Rachel Puddinghead chick."

While Flash was talking, Monty was chowing down on a chocolate chip brownie cake for good measure. After that, Monty continued his rant.

"Anyway, the webisode begins with Ashlynn Ella, or Carrot Top Fluttershy as I call her, getting psyched for Hunter Huntsman's party, only to realize they have Faybitch's party to go to as well." Monty rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, so they're gonna borrow a little page from _Flintstones_ and _Boy Meets World_ where they have to go both parties and back." Flash groaned. "How fuckin' original can you get, Mattel?

"Faybitch threatens to kill both Ashlynn, Holly, Poppy and one of the rejects from Star Darlings if they don't attend." Monty replied. "Who would want to go to her fuckin' party in the first place? I imagine that being the princess of the Dark Fairy herself, Faybitch would have crack, cocaine, vodka and a meth addict at the party. So far, Briar, Hopper, Kitty, Raven, Humphrey, Lizzie, Melody and Duchess attend Faybitch's party, which I assume since Hopper and Humphrey are the only guys to attend, they would get a 2-on-7 orgy going on. Scratch that, I think Humphrey doesn't count as a boy. His penis would probably be the size of a little chicken-egg."

"That chicken-egg was the same size of Rusev's boil on last night's SmackDown." Flash pointed out.

"Anyway, attending Hunter's little sex bash was Apple, Daring, Dexter, Darling, Sparrow, Blondie, Cedar, Pesky, and Rosabella Butt-Hole Bitch." Monty groaned. "The four all show up, and Hunter and Ashlynn start dry-humping each other. Some shit goes down such as Sparrow getting splashed in the dunktank, Blondie chasing a bear with porridge like she's some kind of homicidal maniac, and Faybitch's party only showing a lame-ass sideshow of her and the Evil Queen together."

"Did one of them smoke blow, cause I hope they did." Flash sneered.

"Anyway, they take Faybelle's party straight to Hunter's party and all goes well." Monty replied.

"Yeah, for about 5 fuckin' seconds." Flash nodded. "What they did show on the far right? The image of Rosabella Butt-Hole Bitch and Daring Charming side to side together!"

"THAT SHIT MAKES ME SICK!" Monty yelled out. "I can't believe fuckin' Mattel is trying to shove Rosabella down our throats with that image. Yeah, we all know what's gonna happen. Daring is gonna be paired with that slutbag with rose-colored glasses since he's gonna be the fuckin' Beast. And what about Apple? I swear to that dude upstairs if they even gay her up with Darling, I'm finding whoever's willing to create this little gay storyline and vomit all over him! That's what this series is gonna be reduced down to, a puddle of vomit!"

"Conservative groups and moms are gonna be shoved far up Mattel's ass for sure." Flash chuckled. "They'll probably do the same thing to Frozen 2. The creators are gonna make Elsa gay and pissed-off moms are gonna end up hanging Disney upside-down until a puddle of vomit rains down on them."

Trying to calm down, Monty chewed on his dessert pastry yet again.

"Anyway, if you're wondering why we put up this video, we're gonna be doing reviews for every Ever After High webisode, just because we all know they could either fuck it up even more or at least give us a laugh," Monty groaned as he wrapped the paper into a ball and threw it. "We'll still keep watching just in case Sparrow acts like a retard even more, because he's the reason why he even makes the show more tolerable for us. But if Rosabella even shows up on TV and starts acting all mushy over Daring, I'm finding wherever Rosabella Butt-Hole Bitch lives and throwing her off a g****mn mother-fuckin' cliff! I'm serious! I'm not even fuckin' kidding around here, assholes!"

Suddenly, both Monty and Flash sat in awkward silence for a good 20 seconds with neither man talking.

"Are we done here?" Monty said, breaking the tension.

"Yeah, we're done!" Flash nodded.

"Choose Captain America, Daring and Apple for life, fuck SpongeBob." Monty said, flipping the camera. "Wait a minute, scratch that. SpongeBob's not even fuckable anymore."

"Who would you rather choose instead?" Flash said to Monty.

"I don't know, Ryan McCartan?" Monty shrugged.

"Eh, that works." Flash shrugged back.

"Okay, fuck Ryan McCartan then." Monty said, flipping off the camera yet again.


	15. Flash and Monty on Adult Fanfiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rant on adult fanfiction!

Flash Sentry was in his stool adjusting his jacket as Monty Monogram showed up with his sheet of paper in hand. After snacking on an Oreo Brownie, Monty then sat on his stool, cleared his throat, and began his rant.

"Mmmmm, that fuckin Oreo Brownie is delicious," Monty muttered to himself. "Anyway, I'm in a very good mood since the new Resident Evil that's gonna be coming out is gonna be a first-person shooter."

"If you wanna check out the link to the trailer, go click on my face and be disappointed." Flash snarled at the camera.

"Anyway, we're gonna rant on adult fanfiction," Monty sighed. "If anyone that deaf, dumb and stupid isn't familar with fanfiction, it is fiction about characters or settings from an original work of fiction, created by fans of that work rather than by its creator. I got that from fuckin' Wikipedia."

"There are stories that range from _Girl Meets World_ to _Glee_ and from _Harry Potter_ to _Twilight_ , and to be honest, all of them fuckin' suck shit." Flash reminded.

"Now for adult fanfiction, we're talking about sex, blood, gore and characters fucking characters," Monty replied. "There are many ways of adult fanfiction there ever is, like oral, anal, gangbang, S&M, fetish, yuri, yaoi, gay, lesbian. I'll tell ya, it's like a living in a Playboy Mansion done in a fuckin' H.R. Giger way."

"You wanna how many stories we found with themes like that? A million." Flash raised his eyebrow. "There are FUCKING millions of fics where we see Goku and Vegeta double teaming Sailor Moon with their cocks. Who in the hell would read that? Is anyone ever gonna get turned on a story where Yugi Moto, Seto Kaiba, Duke Devlin and Joey Wheeler fuckin' gangbang Mai Valentine until she gets so sore, she can't even fuckin' walk anymore? Tell me who!"

"Basically perverts, Flash." Monty responded.

"Exactly." The blue-haired malcontent nodded.

After taking another bite of his Oreo Brownie, Monty continued his rant.

"I know that the rest of you may be thinking that we're ranting on adult fanfiction, just because we hate it." Monty replied. "That is complete bullshit. We fuckin' love smut. In fact, we fucking love smut so much, that just for the fun of it, we conducted a special top 10 list called 'Flash and Monty's Top 10 Favorite Adult Fanfictions'."

"If you're unhealthy enough to hear this list, then blame Monty." Flash said, pointing to his partner.

"Okay, **Number 10** on our favorite adult fanfictions is _**Feels Like The First Time**_ , a story starring me and Vanessa in the _Phineas and Ferb_ fandom." Monty said, reading the list carefully. "You know what happens in this. Sex happens and ends with me covering myself with a Mary McGuffin doll."

"By the way, we might need to buy her a new one." Flash replied. "That one just smelled like cum."

"Sure," Monty nodded back. "Anyway, **number 9** is _**Finding Out**_ , a story starring Topher, Jasmine and Shawn from the _Total Drama_ fandom."

"You wanna know what happens in that story, folks?" Flash said, smirking like crazy. "Jasmine's big black amazonian ass gets double stuffed by two white pricks and gets cum dumpstered. She's like a big Australian trash compactor!" He exclaimed.

"I wouldn't mind getting me some Australian pussy, though." Monty smirked as well. " **Number 8** on the list, we have the story **_One Sensual Storm_** , starring Dipper Pines and Pacifica Northwest from the _Gravity Falls_ fandom."

"EW!" Flash cringed in disgust. "THAT'S FUCKIN' DISGUSTING! THEY'RE KIDS FOR FUCK SAKE!"

"They're actually 18 in this fic, Flash." Monty reminded him.

Hearing this, Flash let out a huge sigh of relief.

"Oh, that's good." Flash replied. "I swear, if they were doing it as kids, this would be fic made for pedophiles."

"Moving on, **number 7** for our favorite adult fanfictions is _**Cream-Filled Goodness**_ , starring Mrs. Cake and Spike from the My Little Pony fandom." Said Monty.

"I swear, every smutty My Little Pony fic there is has Spike fucking everypony on the show," Flash scoffed. "I think the writers want Spike to become some kind of male dragon whore for the characters. Now we have a fic where Spike starts hitting on Mr. Cake's wife. I'm telling ya, Spike's a fuckin' poonhound."

" **Number 6** on the list, we have _**The Special Kind of Punishment**_ starring Heath Burns and Headless Headmistress Bloodgood from _Monster High_ ," Monty replied. "If you thought Spike was a dirty-enough pervert, Heath just blows him fuckin' straight up."

"He basically eye-humps the entire female student body of Monster High," Flash smirked. "Every webisode on Monster High has Heath hitting on every single chick. Now imagine a webisode where Headmistress Bloodgood starts hitting on Heath and riding his flamethrower all night long. That webisode should be put on either fuckin' Brazzers or PornHub."

Once again, Monty chowed yet again on his Oreo Brownie. Flash looked right at him as his stomach growled.

"Hey, aren't you gonna share that?" Flash asked him.

"Dude, you know I don't share, so why bother asking me?" Monty shrugged at him back. " **Number 5** on the list is _**Get Off to Get Out**_ , starring Ryo and King from _The King of Fighters_. If this fuckin' lemon was so good, then why in the hell did it get only 1 review? I mean, it has a bartender and a karate master fucking in a bar! If that doesn't get people turned on, I don't know what is."

"I'm certain the person who reviewed this only knew who King of Fighters was." Flash scoffed.

"All right, number 4 is _**Heavy Loving** _ starring Trent and Sadie from the _Total Drama_ series." Monty replied again. "If no one's familiar with Total Drama, there is a character named Sadie, who is the best friend of Katie. She dresses like her friend and they squeal all the fuckin' time. In this story, Sadie and Trent start fucking each other after the chubby girl gets a good luck at Trent's fuckin' hard-on. I can't ever imagine Trent being a chubby chaser."

"If Gwen started putting on pounds, then Trent would find that hot." Flash smirked.

"Yeah, he would find it hot." Monty nodded. "Number 3 on our list of our favorite adult fanfictions is _**This Can't Be Happening**_ , starring Austin Moon from _Austin & Ally_ and Liv Rooney from _Liv and Maddie_. It's when Liv and Austin meet after Austin's bus crashes and they start doing it, only to realize Liv is dreaming."

"It brings new meaning to the word 'wet dream'." Flash replied. "I guarantee you that Liv's panties were soaking wet the whole time she was dreaming about Austin."

"Either that or she just pissed herself." Monty smirked.

"Number 2 on our list of favorite lemons is _**Charming Ecstacy**_ , starring Daring Charming, Apple White and Lizzie Hearts from _Ever After High_." Monty replied once more. "Now hold on, fans, and breathe into it."

Just then, Monty took a short pause and took a sip out of his Mountain Dew. While he wasn't looking, Flash took Monty's Oreo Brownie and chowed down on it before Monty looked back to the camera.

"Okay, we all know without a shadow of a doubt that Daring Charming is one of the most attractive male students of Ever After High," Monty clearly explained. "I mean, Mattel would pretty much hook him up with every chick if they want, even if it's Apple, Lizzie, Cerise, Holly or even Duchess. And I'm not even fuckin' mentioning Rosabella Butt-Hole Bitch because I despise Daring and Rosabella as a couple and they can go bite my fuckin' ass. Screw that, Rosabella can bite my ass."

"This fic has Daring catching Apple and Lizzie in an all-out lesbo fest, and it turns into a total bi-sexual heaven." Flash smirked. "I always love me a huge bi-sexual threeway if it only involves two women and a man. If it involves two guys getting gay around each other in front of a girl, I rather fall down a fuckin' cliff."

"And finally, our number one favorite adult fanfiction of all time is _**Dipper's 18th Birthday Surprise**_ , starring Dipper and Wendy from _Gravity Falls_." Monty smirked.

"If you can see what a smut fic looks like, take a look at this story and see if I'm not fuckin' right." Flash said as he got a little stiff.

"This story has Dipper celebrating his 18th birthday and Wendy sucking him off in 18 various ways," Monty replied. "Anyway, add Wendy with busty boobs and curvy hips and you have yourself a true masterpiece of erotica fit for the 2010's. That's why we loved this fic, and I dare anyone that dare top this fic with the reviews and page visits it gets non-stop."

"So far, this was a pretty reasonable list." Flash nodded at the camera.

"Yeah, so far, adult erotic fanfiction is gonna have a place in everyone's hearts," Monty said as he wrapped the sheet he had in his hands and wrapped them into a ball. From there, he stated, "Regardless if it's softcore, hardcore, whether it has a lot of sex or less of sex, they're gonna be the kind of stories you can tell your kids about. Sure, they may feel either disgusted, entertained or dead from the neck up, but like I said, they're gonna be around forever. As long as the Red Sox don't ever win a World Series ever."

To finish out his rant, Monty wrapped the paper into a ball and threw it away, landing on the trash can.

"Nice shot," Flash smirked.

"Yeah, I finally got it in. Fuck Ryan McCartan." Monty said as he and Flash flipped off to the camera.


	16. Flash and Monty Trash On Some Disney Channel Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty trash on some Disney Channel stars!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, these are Flash and Monty's opinions, not mine. Now on with the rant.

Flash Sentry was busy sitting on his stool and adjusting his jacket while Monty Monogram appeared in the bedroom with his notes in hand.

"Someone in the comments section said I have a unabomber hoodie on." Monty replied.

"All that's missing is a moustache, glasses and you have the part." Flash smirked.

After adjusting his stool, Monty placed his butt on his seat and began his segment.

"Anyway, it's finally that time, douchebags." Monty groaned. "We're gonna rant and trash some of the stars on Disney Channel. Now don't get us wrong about Disney Channel, they have some stars that we actually tolerate."

"Yeah, mostly Ross Lynch, Dove Cameron, Blake Michael and Peyton List, which by the way is 2 months fuckin' legal." Flash smirked again.

"Yeah, thank goodness for that." Monty nodded. "However, we're only trashing on the stars that piss us off and make us completate suicide, either just by looking at them or just by hearing their fuckin' obnoxious voice. It's ear bleeding at it's finest."

"My ears are fuckin' bleeding right now." Flash said, shaking his head.

"Okay, we're gonna be trashing on _Girl Meets World_ again, but this time, we're gonna be trashing on two of it's bigger stars." Monty replied. "If the rest of you Girl Meets World fangirls are offended by what we say, then fuck off. We hate this show, I don't give a shit."

Right after Monty was talking, Flash accidentally burped on-camera.

"Excuse you, dude." Monty said to Flash. "Anyway, to talk about the cast, I'm here to tell ya about Rowan Blanchard."

"Sorry to break it to all of you, but Rowan's a fuckin' boy's name!" Flash exclaimed first-hand. "Seriously, who else in her right mind would call a 14-year old girl named Rowan? The only Rowan we know is Erick Rowan from the WWE and he has a fuckin' sheep mask that he wears!"

"Yeah, I don't know, but Rowan looks like a fuckin' 6-year old dressed in teenager stripper outfits." Monty replied. "If the rest of you adults find that hot, then congratulations, you're officially pedophiles. Anyway, let's talk about Sabrina Carpenter. WHY IN THE FUCK IS SHE EVEN ON THE SHOW?!"

"Sabrina Carpenter looks like if Dove Cameron's beautiful face got mauled by a cat and she ended up looking like a Goomba!" Flash snarled right at the camera. "That's what Sabrina Carpenter is, one of the fuckin' Goombas from _Super Mario Bros._! I fuckin' hate Sabrina Carpenter, so somebody get her off TV! And get that shitty god-awful _Adventures of Babysitting_ remake out of here too. Disney should've left that remake alone for good!"

"The only thing I really hated out of that movie is how Sabrina Carpenter's character was hooking up with Kevin Quinn's character." Monty groaned out of misery. "Suddenly, fans are starting to get behind Kevin and Sabrina as a ship. For shit's sake, isn't Kevin Quinn fuckin' 19 years old? Fans of _Adventures of Babysitting_ are suddenly hooking him up with a 17-year old! News flash to everyone who ships this shit: KEVIN QUINN'S A FUCKING ADULT AND SABRINA CARPENTER IS A G****MN MINOR! Sweet baby James, Disney is practically turning Kevin Quinn into some freaky-ass sex offender. If you were to cast him in any show right now, they'll just have him cast as an adult where he falls in love with some fuckin' 12-year old."

Monty was so far pissed. Just to calm down his anger, Monty cracked open a can of Vanilla Coke and began drinking it. As he was drinking, Flash spoke out.

"Out of the stars from Disney Channel we can tolerate, Kevin Quinn is okay in our eyes." Flash nodded. "The only thing I can't stand about him is that how every single star on that channel looks like fuckin' Kevin Quinn now."

"We actually have three that fuckin' look like him: Peyton Meyer, that little freak named Corey Fogelmanis and the stupid untalented fuck named Gus Kamp!" Monty replied. "So far, Peyton Meyer is basically Oliver Queen without the facial hair, Corey Fogelmanis is basically a teenager with Jim Parsons's face attached to him alongside a face that looks like a sex predator, and Gus Kamp has fuckin' Alzheimer's!"

Flash couldn't help but chuckle a little bit out of Monty's "Alzheimer's" comment.

"I fuckin' swear, Kevin Quinn could basicially kick their ass right now if he saw this." Flash smirked.

"Anyway, back to the women, one that annoys me is Landry Bender from _Best Friends Whenever_." Monty groaned. "She's just fuckin' boring to look at, unlike Lauren Taylor, who's now fuckin' legal and now fuckin' hot."

"I swear, Landry looks like a 10-year old dressed up as a 16 year old," Flash groaned as well. "I guarantee you that many of the pedophiles who are at least 40 years old dreams of jacking off to her. Seriously, is America turning into sick sex offenders all of a sudden? What the fuck's wrong with you, Disney?"

"The rest of the girls on Disney Channel suck now," Monty shook her head. "Mostly, either girl is actually 14 year olds in stripper clothing, or some ugly unattractive fart. But rarely, there are some girls on there are actually of legal age in real life, even though they're playing teenagers on TV. The only girls that apply to this legal list are Dove Cameron, Peyton List, Lauren Taylor, Olivia Holt, Kelli Berglund, Sofia Carson, Laura Marano and Zendaya. On that list, those eight girls are hot whereas the two unattractive non-legal tweenage buttmunches, Rowan Blanchard and Sabrina Carpenter, make me wanna eat my own vomit for lunch."

"Those eight girls that we mentioned could be well suited as our sex slaves." Flash smirked.

"Yeah, and have it all on tape for good measure." Monty smirked while nodding. "Leave Rowan and Sabrina out of this because they ain't legal yet. Even if they were, I wouldn't wanna fuck 'em anyway cause they suck. And you know who else sucks worse than those two combined? I'll give you three fuckin' words: RYAN FUCKING MCCARTAN!"

Once again, Monty took a sip of his bottled water, just to cool him off a bit.

"What a fuckin' assmunch that guy is." Flash said, shaking his head in anger.

"I cannot tell you how much we despise him," Monty cringed in disgust. "For reasons, he's too boring, he's too bland, he smiles like a retarded Hyena, his face looks like a crackhead, but worst of all, HE"S FUCKIN' ENGAGED TO DOVE CAMERON!"

"We still haven't gotten over it, and we will never get over it," Flash snarled. "And if anyone's asking, I ain't interested in that stupid _Rocky Horror Picture Show_ musical he's gonna be starring in, because apparently, these Hollywood hags just need to leave the fuckin' originals alone! Disney fuckin' ruined _Adventures of Babysitting_ , just like Columbia Pictures is gonna ruin that fuckin' _Ghostbusters_ reboot."

"Yeah, and it's all because fuckin' Egon Spengler died," Monty groaned as he wrapped his notes into a ball and threw it. "I don't ever wanna watch the fuckin' reboot, okay? I just don't want to. It won't be the same and it'll never be the same without Harold Ramis."

"That's all we have for our rant now," Flash sighed. "So to close this out, fuck _Girl Meets World_ , fuck Sabrina Carpenter and that fuckin 'Wild Side' song she does with Sofia Carson, fuck _Ghostbusters 2016_..."

"And a big fuck you to Ryan McCartan too!" Monty said, flipping off the camera alongside Flash.


	17. Why Flash and Monty Refuse To Review Ever After High's "Epic Winter"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty explain why they refuse to review Ever After High's Epic Winter movie!

Both Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram were on their stools as usual, checking out a video on Flash's tablet. The video that the two were looking at was the trailer for the new _Ever After High_ movie "Epic Winter". After trading some nasty looks with each other, Monty looked back to the camera with a scathing scowl on his face.

"WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING AT!?" He screamed.

Shaking his head in total regret, Flash put up the tablet and faced the camera head-on.

"Why did you do this to us, Mattel?" Monty sighed. "Why do you now make such godawful shit nowadays?"

"Yeah," Flash nodded. "You should be ashamed, you fucking assholes. What we saw on there was perhaps the most sickening thing there is. I swear, if Epic Winter didn't suck ass for Ever After High, this one sucks fuckin' shit up this throat."

"Of course, what we're talking about is _Ever After High_ 's dogshit-infested mess that is _Epic Winter_." Monty groaned. "All I can say about this shit is that it has a new hot chick on there named Crystal Winter, and now he's gotta stop his dad from ruling _Ever After High_ and turning it into eternal winter. How fuckin' original can Mattel get with this? This almost sounds like it was stolen from fuckin' _Frozen_! What's next? Is _Monster High_ gonna make a movie where they steal an idea from _Resident Evil_? You know, have Jackson Jekyll find out that the friends and monsters he knows are actually zombies and then he'll have to kill him all? To be honest, that would be a way awesome movie."

"I swear, any _My Little Pony_ , _Full House_ , or _Digimon_ episode is way better than what _Epic Winter_ 's gonna look like." Flash nodded. "I mean, with _Dragon Games_ , it was really bad. But with Epic Winter..."

Flash couldn't even find out what to say about the trailer that he saw, so he turned to Monty.

"Monty, you take this, I can't even describe it." Flash said, shaking his head in regret.

"The trailer was fuckin' dogshit blended with cat piss and served with cupcakes made from human feces." Monty cringed in disgust. "Aside from Briar Booty and Carrot Top Fluttershy where they have to help their friend, we get a scene where Daring Charming gets turned into the fuckin Beast from the _Beauty and the Beast_ story. Looking at him, he looks like a fuckin hybrid of Leomon from _Digimon_ , Jon Talbain from _Darkstalkers_ , and Ice Bear from _We Bare Bears_. Even in beast form, he still manages to look at the mirror even telling everyone he's more handsome in a furry way. Newsflash Beast Daring, you're not handsome, YOU LOOK LIKE FUCKIN' SHIT! Your human version was way better, stick to that."

"That's not the only problem of the trailer," Flash shook his head again. "Blondie's voice sounds like garbage now. It sounds like a high-pitched female bullfrog getting fucked by a gang-banger."

"Obviously, I liked her cute voice better." Monty nodded out. "Why in the fuckin' hell does she speak like Caitlyn Jenner now? It doesn't suit her at all. Besides, her cute voice was more adorable and fuzzy. Why didn't Mattel stick to that shit?"

"It's like Mattel is starting to shove every thing down our throats with this movie," Flash snarled close-up on the camera. "It's plot line, Blondie's new semi-retarded voice, and fuckin' Daring/Rosabella! Let me ask you something, fuckin' smarks: Daring/Rosabella sucks! Their supporters suck! Beast Daring sucks! Blondie's voice sucks! ROSABELLA BUTTHOLE-BITCH SUCKS! YOU SUCK! EVERYONE SUCKS! THE ENTIRE G*****N WORLD FUCKING SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!"

Already being fed up by Epic Winter trailer himself, Flash angrily took off on a tantrum, leaving Monty all by himself. As Monty looked back at his pissed off friend, he went back to the camera and decided to close things off.

"We won't be reviewing Epic Winter at all," Monty sighed. "Apparently, Mattel has finally lost our appetite with this piece of tripe garbage. The loyal Daring/Apple shippers are gonna be so pissed about this. Seriously Mattel, can you at least give Apple somebody to at least love? I don't know, maybe Chase Redford? I hear he's single. Who am I kidding here, Daring will be the only guy I ship Apple with, no question about it. Epic Winter is clearly the _Ghostbusters 2016_ of _Ever After High_ movies. There's no question about it. You know, why am I being so negative? I mean, there oughtta be something good I can say about it. And I know what it is: At least Epic Winter is better than fuckin' _19 Kids and Counting_. Have a great 4th of July, everybody. Fuck Ryan McCartan."

After flipping off the camera, Monty took off out of his stool and left. But before he could leave, he did one-last close-up to the camera and spoke out these words, "Oh, and fuck Rosabella Butt-Hole Bitch too."


	18. Flash and Monty on Burger King's Mac and Cheetos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rant on Burger King's Mac and Cheetos!

Yet again, Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram sat on their stools with irritated looks on their faces. While the camera was rolling, Monty let out a deathly groan.

"We have just tasted the most dogshit thing we ever had," Monty gulped.

"If you thought Burger King butchering hot dogs was horrible, they butchered a fuckin' good snack food with macaroni and cheese stuffed inside a cheese puff." Flash groaned before screaming, "WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY!?"

"This is way beyond _Ghostbusters 2016_ horrible," Monty said, shaking his head in regret. "We're talking about the latest product Burger King brought out. It is called _Mac and Cheetos_ , and it just fuckin' sucks defecation. You wanna know how bad it is? Flash, tell him."

As soon as he took a sip of his Cherry Vanilla Pepsi, Flash began his explanation.

"Can you imagine G.G. Allin putting his entire mouth around Divine's asshole and having his shit stuffed inside his mouth?" Flash sighed. "That's how a Mac and Cheeto feels around your mouth. It's too wet, too steamy and too rich that when you get that tingly feeling in your mouth and it soon starts to hurt, you fuckin' hurl all over yourself. And then, your breath starts to smell like dog, cat and pig shit for an entire year. It really smells bad and rank than the two girls who ate shit in that stupid cup video. If you haven't seen it, then don't even think about it. Don't even fuckin' look at it! The first thing you do when you see it, you take a fuckin' chainsaw and tear your fuckin' computer in half!"

"What really fuckin' sucked about this product was the fact that it didn't come with sauce," Monty groaned. "I assure you, even if it did come with sauce, it would still taste like fuckin' shit! Why in the hell are you ruining Cheetos, Burger King? You have 7-Eleven butcher Doritos with that Doritos Loaded shit and suddenly, you wanna follow in their footsteps, Burger King? At least when Taco Bell used Doritos as taco shells, they actually did it very better. Burger King is fucking killing the Frito-Lay company straight to hell!"

"YOU FUCKIN' SUCK, BURGER KING!" Flash screamed with venom in his voice. "I USED TO LOVE YOU FOR YOUR FUCKIN' WHOPPERS! BUT YOU FUCKIN' RUINED EVERYTHING! YOU FUCKIN RUINED HOT DOGS, YOU FUCKIN' RUINED FRIES WITH THAT SATISFRIES SHIT, AND YOU FUCKIN' RUINED CHEETOS! THANKS TO YOU FUCKERS, WE WON'T HAVE CHEETOS AT ALL! YOU MADE US FUCKIN' HATE CHEETOS NOW, BURGER KING! I HOPE A FUCKIN' PLANE CRASHES ON EVERY BURGER KING THERE IS IN THE FUCKIN' USA! BURGER KING SUCKS! MAC AND CHEETOS SUCKS! LIFE FUCKIN' SUUUUUUUUUCKS!"

Already feeling fed up, Flash left the bedroom pissed off as ever, leaving Monty to do the rant all by himself again.

"You know, McDonalds never pulled this kind of shit off," Monty said after a long pause. "To be honest, I think I'm gonna stop going to Burger King altogether now. They already ruined hot dogs and Cheetos. What's next, is Burger King bringing back New Coke? I'm pretty sure anyone watches this channel doesn't even know what the fuck New Coke is. It was dead faster than that Jem and the Holograms movie, and I'm not even fuckin' bringing that up. That shit is the worst, next to that retardish Ever After High's Epic Winter movie, which didn't even come out yet on Netflix. I don't give two fuckin' shits about that assdump anymore. So in closing, fuck Mac and Cheetos, fuck Burger King, and the best part of them all, fuck Ryan McCartan."

And then, he flipped off the camera, ending the rant.


	19. Monty on Such More Horrible News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Monty shares some horrible news to everyone. Seriously.

Monty Monogram was busy sitting on his stool, looking at a cardboard cut-out of Flash Sentry standing before him.

"I'm glad you're not here to share this pain, cardboard Flash." Monty sighed before looking at the camera, "Anyway, Flash is absent for today since his cock got stuck between Twilight Sparkle's giant tits, so he's gotta go to a hospital so the surgeons can get his dick off. So, it's up to me to carry the load for today. And as much as I really hate for me to say this, I'm just gonna go along with it."

After a really big deep breath, Monty finally responded with a deep groan.

"We're gonna review Ever After High's _Epic Winter_ movie after all."

Suddenly, a sound of boos began sounding from the background, which definitely fit the mood for this godawful announcement.

"Anyway, I wanna thank Vanessa for adding the voice samples." Monty said, pointing to the left.

"No problem, Monty." Vanessa replied off-screen.

"Same here, babe." Monty smirked. "You wanna know why we decided to do it? It was all because of the stupid Daring/Rosabella throat-shovers that decided to spam my fuckin' e-mail, sending me death threats. And if they told me if I don't review Epic Winter, they were gonna nuke my house and leave my skin melting and boiling like being dipped in fuckin' lava. By the way, if anyone knows that the term _throat-shovers_ mean, it's a person who decides to shove everything down on our throats. They're worse than violent hate-filled bible thumpers. Write that one down, Vanessa. I gotta drink."

"On it!" Vanessa exclaimed off-screen.

After Monty took a sip of his Vanilla Coke, he continued his rant.

"I swear, I really didn't plan this." Monty groaned again. "I've already mentioned the fuckin' trailer, so WHY IN THE HELL SHOULD I FUCKIN' MENTION IT AGAIN?! I really don't wanna watch it, nor do I wanna look at it. I don't wanna hear Blondie's new semi-retarded voice, I don't wanna look at Briar's new winter-themed butterface, I sure as hell don't wanna hear Faybitch say 'Plot twist!' for the umpteenth zillion time, I don't wanna eat that fuckin' crow I shot because I apparently lost my appetite doing this rant, and worst of all, I don't wanna see Daring and Rosabella as a godawful couple, let alone even mention them in the same fuck-ass sentence. You wanna know how you can make Ever After High great again? Get fuckin' Rosabella Butthole-Bitch off the show! For john's sake, get Daring and Apple back together so that I would be comfortable seeing them together or at least mention them in the same sentence! Oh sure, Mattel's not gonna do that, because they fuckin' hate any Daring-themed ship that's not Daring/Rosabella. I know we're nowhere near August 4th or 5th whatever, but deep down without a doubt, I can now fuckin' say that Daring and Rosabella are the worst fuckin' couple ever. They're worse than Alejandro and Heather on _Total Drama_ , they're worse than Triple H and Stephanie McMahon on WWE, and to make this short, they're fuckin' worse than Dove Cameron and Ryan fuckin' McCartan. I am dead fuckin' g****mn without a shadow of a fuckin' doubt serious!"

Being fed up a little bit, Monty took another sip of his Vanilla Coke.

"I'm taking a little break out of the movie to watch the Opening Ceremony of the Rio 2016 Olympics, so apparently, that will be more fun than this fuckin' shitfest called _Epic Winter_." Monty admitted with a faint nod. "Who knows, maybe _Batman: The Killing Joke_ may be way better than _Epic Winter_ too. So fuck life, fuck Rosabella Butthole-Bitch and fuck Ryan McCartan."

And then, he flipped off to the camera, ending the segment for today.


	20. Flash and Monty on NES Classic Edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this episode, both Flash and Monty rant on the (now late) NES Classic Edition!

Flash Sentry was sitting on his stool and dusting off his jacket (just in case if it had any dust) while Monty Monogram stepped in and approached his stool.

"Fuckin' satanists..." He groaned.

"That's probably the fifth time they've come through our house now." Flash groaned as well.

"Next time, I'm hiring drone guns." Monty replied before focusing himself on the camera. "Anyway, since this isn't quite November yet, I'd figured we start this right now. As if Nintendo wasn't at it again, they aired a commercial on YouTube showing everyone the NES Classic Edition. It's like your usual Nintendo Entertainment System but it's so fuckin' small, you can actually shove it up your ass."

"Now we all know what you're thinking, 'How dare you slam on the NES Classic'! The truth is: We're not." Flash said, shaking his head. "You wanna know why we're not fuckin' slamming this? We'll tell you why."

Before they could tell everyone, Monty started chowing down on his Blueberry Pie-flavored Oreo for good measure.

"Mmmm, this is delicious." He said with his mouth full.

"Oh, give me one." Flash said, reaching for a cookie as well.

"Anyway, the reason is: We fuckin' love the NES Classic Edition." Monty admitted. "I mean, who in the fuck would have thought of this years ago? This is by far the best and biggest innovation since sliced fuckin' bread. It has up to 30 games in this awesome piece of shit. Each one like a fuckin' orgasm waiting to happen."

"Hell, it's like the apocalypse had already arrived and we were glad to die." Flash smirked.

"So what I have here is a list of the games that will be included," Monty said as he held up a sheet of paper containing names for the games. "So far, there's _Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 2, Super Mario Bros. 3, Dr. Mario, Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr., Metroid, The Legend of Zelda, Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, Punch-Out!, Kirby's Adventure, Kid Icarus, Excitebike, Ice Climber, Balloon Fight, StarTropics, Bubble Bobble, Castlevania, Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, Double Dragon II: The Revenge, Final Fantasy, Galaga, Ghosts N' Goblins, Gradius, Mega Man II, Ninja Gaiden, Pac-Man, Super C_ and _Tecmo Bowl_. I'm not gonna lie, but this was a long fuckin' list."

"While you're at it, add every single game on the console," Flash suggested. "To me, this is small compared to that little Plug N' Play that Sega released. You know what I'm talking about right? Sega actually released a small Sega Genesis filled with 80 games, including all three Mortal Kombat games. Why couldn't the NES Classic give us at least more games so that we'd be more satisfied?"

"Yeah, you see everyone, that's a lack in my opinion." Monty replied. "I mean, don't get us wrong, the NES Classic Edition is awesome. What I hate about it is that it just doesn't give us more games. What about games such as _DuckTales, Bomberman, Blades of Steel, Double Dribble, Metal Gear, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Dragon Warrior, Baseball Stars, Battletoads_ and fuckin' _Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse_? Those games should deserve to be on there. They're considered classics among gamers who grew up playing them in the 80's while listening to The Hooters or fuckin' Ready For The World while beating off to fuckin' Peggy Bundy. And I'm pretty sure everyone who are watching this channel and didn't grow up in the 80's doesn't even know who Hooters or Ready For The World is. Believe me, unknown groups in the 80's were popping shit like that. Excuse me, I gotta bite."

In the middle of the rant, Monty stopped to get a bite of the Blueberry Pie Oreo. Just tasting that sent his taste buds skyrocketing to the sky.

"Honestly, even though I'm a bit disappointed of the fact that there's not much games, I'm still gonna buy it." Flash nodded. "I mean, it's that fuckin' fun. There isn't anything bad that you can say about it."

"Although there is one more thing I like to say before this little rant is over." Monty replied before grabbing a bag of Blueberry Pie Oreo's in his hand. "Make sure to buy a pack of these delicious motherfuckers I got holding in my hand. These are Blueberry Pie Oreos and they're much more hotten than sex with my girlfriend on weekends. In my opinion, these and the NES Classic Edition are fuckin' way better than Ryan McCartan, so fuck him!"

"Yeah, fuck Ryan McCartan." Flash smirked as he and Monty flipped off to the camera.


	21. Flash and Monty on Ever After High's Epic Winter - Darabella Shippers Killed Ever After High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this episode, Flash and Monty rant on the most anticipated Ever After High's Epic Winter movie!

Both Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram were on their stools, having such stern moody looks on their faces. The two stood silent for perhaps 10 seconds before Monty spoke up.

"IT WAS FUCKIN' SHIT, OKAY?!" He yelled.

"I hope all of you Darabella throat-shovers were fuckin' satisfied, because I 'm not." Flash groaned. "I'm so enraged, I could kick a baby pony and I wouldn't feel bad about it."

"We've been talking about it for weeks now on how we weren't gonna review that shitty Epic Winter movie, but since fans of Ever After High kept filling up our inbox, we have no choice but to review the movie." Monty groaned. "Now we have to share our misery to everyone in the first place."

"Hang on your barfbags everyone," Flash said to everyone watching at home. "Because what you're gonna hear will make you vomit."

After Monty took a sip of his Cherry Vanilla Pepsi, he began his rant.

"Anyway, the film begins with Crystal Winter, who I must say is the most cutest character I have ever seen in my life." Monty smirked. "She's like frickin' Abbey from Monster High without the fangs and the accent. So far, she was the only good thing I liked from this movie. The rest of it sucked dogshit, I'll explain why in a minute. Anyway, her parents go apeshit and the Snow King turns the Snow Queen into a block of ice and Crystal goes to Ever After High."

"Quite a fuckin' plot twist, huh?" Flash scoffed. "It's like a dude coming in to take a shit the size of Donald Trump's hair. And when you take a look at that shit, you're shocked, thinking that you never saw it coming."

"Anyway, Faybelle- excuse me, I mean Faybitch is stuck cleaning shit up from the last godawful movie, and we see Daring and Apple sulk in the fact that they're no longer a couple anymore." Monty said, showing a bit of grief in his voice. "This is just so sad to talk about, so I'm just gonna ignore what went on until the next scene between them. Anyway, moving on, Briar Booty and Carrot Top Fluttershy meet up with Crystal Winter, and so far, she turns Ever After High into a winter wonderland."

"And so far, I'm still not persuaded enough." Flash shook his head.

Getting thirsty again, Monty reached up for another long sip of his Pepsi.

"Mmmm, that Cherry Vanilla Pepsi is delicious." Monty smirked. "Anyway, moving on, Daring and Rosabella- you know what, I'm gonna fuckin' skip this part between them because for reasons unknown, it gets me so pissed off and riled up, so we're gonna skip to the scene where the Snow King shows up and turns Daring Charming into a beast. And you all recalled in my early videos that Daring Charming's beast form looks like a hybrid of Leomon from Digimon and Jon Talbain from Darkstalkers. To me, he still looks like fuckin' shit."

"I swear, his beast form actually makes the actual Beast from _Beauty and the Beast_ look fuckin' attractive." Flash pointed out. "You ever feel his fur? It's warm just like a woman's soft vagina. You can finger it all night long and never get tired of it."

"Anyway, Daring and Apple try to make amends, and it ends with Beast Daring licking Apple." Monty groaned. "How on earth is that sexy?! It's fuckin' gross to lick someone who's supposedly to be your future queen, especially when you're in Beast mode. It would be like me licking Vanessa during sex. That ain't sexy, that's just sickening! Unless if it's right in the pussy, than it's okay. Anyway, another shitty-ass Daring and Rosabella scene begins, and that was the part where I had to take a dump the size of my penis."

Flash couldn't help but contain his laughter from Monty's line.

"You know, lighting a fart on fire was way better than Darabella." Flash groaned. "Heck, even seeing someone taking a shit on the floor is better than seeing Darabella. I could name every reason that's even way better than seeing Darabella, and I wouldn't get tired."

"So, continuing on, Briar Booty, Carrot Top Fluttershy, Blondie, Daring, Faybitch and the four-eyed whore go on a quest to get four roses from four castles and they meet up with two blue teabags named Jackie Frost and North Wind." Monty groaned as well. "You ever check these fuckers out? It looks like you trapped an emo and a stereotypical Swiss guy in the snow for hours, and they turned out looking like this."

"I swear, just by looking at them, they look like they have fuckin' frostbite." Flash pointed out.

"So Faybitch spends the entire movie talking to three midgets in tutus," Monty grimly sighed. "Apparently, it's just Joe Pesci, Robert DeNiro and Tommy Vercetti in girl's clothing. I wished through the entire movie that the entire fairy mob would come and shoot frickin' everyone watching this, including me and Flash. That's how much the movie was getting worse from there. Moving on, Crystal Winter fights with her father, the Snow King and Queen turn to normal, Ever After High turns to normal, and that's fuckin' it for the movie, except for this fuckin' part I have to point out here."

As soon as Flash pointed on his tablet, he had a very sickening look on his face. So much, that he had to show the picture to everyone in front of the camera.

"What is this?" Flash groaned before shouting once more, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!"

"Oh god, this is one of the most sickening things I have ever seen, it's a picture of Daring Charming and Rosabella Butt-Hole Bitch fuckin' kissing." Monty cried out. "Let that be a reminder, scratch that, let _that_ be a fuckin' reason why we fuckin' hated this movie! Because it's fuckin' apparent that Mattel is looking to shove this couple down our throats! And we have no other choice but to eat it. Same thing with that so-called Apple and Darling ship. Why in the hell are people shipping this like fuckin' Sam and Dean?! Get this through your throat: APPLE WHITE IS FUCKIN" STRAIGHT!"

"Sure, fans don't want to believe that." Flash replied while Monty took the note into a ball and threw it away. "They just want to make Apple as gay as ever until we have no choice but to accept it. Mattel, hear this coming from me, and I beg of you: DON'T MAKE APPLE GAAAAAAAY! HELL, REUNITE HER WITH DARING SO THAT WE WON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT THAT FUCKING DARABELLA GARBAGE! DARING AND APPLE ARE BETTER THAN FUCKING DARABELLA! DARING AND CERISE ARE WAY FUCKING BETTER THAN DARABELLA! AND EVEN FUCKIN' DARING AND LIZZIE ARE BETTER THAN FUCKING BUTTHOLE BITCH ROSABELLA! ROSABELLA BEAUTY SUCKS! SOMEONE FUCKIN' PUSH HER OFF A CLIFF SO THAT I WON'T HAVE TO FUCKIN SEE HER AGAIN!"

Just to calm down, Flash took a sip out of Monty's Cherry Vanilla Pepsi. After all, nothing cooled him down than liquid caffeine.

"I'm fuckin' pissed off now." The blue-haired individual groaned.

"You fuckin killed _Ever After High_ , Mattel." Monty shook his head. "Darabella killed _Ever After High_. And we all have to live with it forever. You wanna know how Mattel could make things ever worse? They're fuckin' rebooting _Monster High_ , which means Mattel is only getting worse from here. The only good thing about Mattel is those awesome fuckin' WWE wrestlers they make. So, at least there's something good about this company. That isn't saying much since they still fuckin' ruined Ever After High with all their gayness and Rosabella retard. I don't wanna watch _Ever After High_ anymore. I just don't want to."

"We're gonna keep watching just to see how bad it's gonna get for them." Flash added.

"That's just fuckin' great," Monty groaned. "Worst movie of all time. Fuck Ryan McCartan."


	22. Flash and Monty on Burger King's Whopperito

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rant on Burger King's Whopperito!

The camera was busy shooting around empty stools for a good seven seconds before Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram came in with grim looks and droopy shoulders. After breaking in one long groan, Monty began his rant.

"Well, we were supposed to do our Family Guy video a couple of days ago, but Flash used it as tissue because he was feeling under the fuckin' weather." Monty rolled his eyes. "There was no way I was gonna catch his snotty goop, so I had to make something up prior to this video we're shooting now."

"Plus, if everyone's asking: I'm officially 100% now so everyone of you can expect a very fucking snot-free episode." Flash reminded everyone watching this.

"Anyway, it seems that Burger Fuckin' King is at it again," Monty groaned. "If BK's Grilled Dogs and godawful Mac and Cheetos didn't fuck us hard in the ass, Burger King had to come up with the most fucking unoriginal piece of harbor trash I ever had to experience. It's called the Burger King Whopperito."

"Are they fucking kidding me with this piece of assfudge?" Flash groaned. "Did Burger King suddenly forget who they are now? First, they're Nathan's Hot Dogs, then they're Chick-Fil-A with this stupid Chicken Burger shit, and now they're fuckin Taco Bell now with their stupid burrito shit! For shit's sake Burger King, make up your fuckin' mind! Your name's fuckin' Burger King, so start selling fucking burgers!"

After taking a sip of the Mountain Dew Livewire that he brought, Monty continued his rant.

"Seriously, did many of you check out the burritos themselves?" Monty asked everyone watching. "They look exactly the fuckin same burritos you see at Taco Bell, except Burger King stuffed an entire Whopper inside a tortilla. It's like you fucking go to McDonald's and you order a Big Mac, only to realize they sent you one of those shitty chicken pot pies from KFC. At first, you like what they did, but suddenly, it's just not the fuckin' same anymore."

"Did the world suddenly drop on its big fat ugly head all of a sudden?" Flash shrugged. "I mean, it's like Burger King doesn't even know how to make a Whopper anymore. So, just put it in a fuckin' tortilla and there you go. Fuckin' bullshit, BK."

"Anyway, to make this short, the reason why we came to you tired was because we didn't want to admit this very much," Monty groaned. "As much as we wanted to hate it, we can't help but love the frickin' thing. I think the Whopperito is actually pretty good. The texture and flavor actually blend and upon all, I got nothing bad to say about it. But with all due respect, can't you just go back to burgers? I mean, that's all we fuckin' want in life. Just fuckin' go back to burgers, BK."

Right after that rant ended, both Monty and Flash broke out in total complete silence, not even talking at all for a good 15 seconds.

"I can't believe we missed the entire Olympics." Flash groaned.

"You wanna know why we missed the Olympics?" Monty groaned as well. "Too much sex with our girlfriends did the trick. Vanessa and fuckin' Twilight were more tight than the suits that the fuckin' Romanian gymnasts wear. So far, fuck our own egos for getting in the way and fuck Ryan McCartan."

"Yeah, fuck him too." Flash said, before flipping off to the camera as the segment ended.


	23. Flash and Monty on the McChicken video

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, both Flash and Monty rant on the (horrifying) McChicken video!

The camera was busy rolling on Flash Sentry and Monty Monogram, who were sitting on their signature stools with mouths agape as they were watching something on Flash's tablet. Apparently, neither man knew what was on their minds during the eight seconds of awkward silence.

"Seriously?" Monty said, looking at the camera with such horror.

"Like what the fuck am I seeing here?" Flash cried out.

"We weren't planning to do a video today, but since we found out what was going on, we had no choice but to do this right away." Monty replied. "Are everyone of you ever familiar with the McChicken, that small little Chick Fil-A knockoff? What we saw will make you think twice about ordering that now-godawful piece of shit."

"I'm not gonna lie, but in a video we just watched today..." Flash muttered before shouting. "THERE'S A BLACK GUY FUCKING A MCCHICKEN!"

"Yeah, and if that wasn't fucked up, the guy married the fuckin' thing!" Monty cringed, trying to hold on his bile. "He basically stuffed his cock between the McChicken and started fucking it like it was a disease-ridden prostitute."

"If Jason Biggs from _American Pie_ was more perverted enough, than this guy breaks the pervert scale." Flash gulped. "I mean, have you ever seen that movie? It's when his character Jim starts fucking an apple pie. I'm certain his penis was melting off from his body while it was stuck from under the hot filling."

Monty couldn't help but lower his head down and shake it in disbelief.

"America sure raised some sick bastards," He gulped. "Just looking at it non-stop makes me wanna puke on my mouth and holding it until I barf onto a shit-filled toilet."

"Watching that video was more gut-cringing than Uncle Joey's unfunny jokes on _Full House_." Flash admitted straight to the camera. "Hell, I think it's more disgusting than the video of two girls sharing and eating actual shit from a cup. This little love-making video between that sicko and that McChicken puts _2 Girls 1 Cup_ to shame."

"I don't know what to say." Monty shook his head again. "Watching that video over and over again, I just don't wanna eat at McDonald's anymore. I don't wanna fuckin' eat at Burger King either knowing they already came up with a fuckin' chicken burger, a fuckin' bacon sundae, grilled dogs, Mac and Cheetos, and a whopper stuffed inside a tortilla, therefore calling it a burrito. So far, the only good burger places that doesn't serve fuckin' macaroni and hot dog ice cream is Hardees and Wendy's. At least Wendy's got a Baconator, Frosty's and Chili while Hardees is best known for hiring big-boobied porn stars to eat their burgers."

"Plus, their burgers are made with angus beef, so extra points for that." Flash pointed out.

"Good thinking," Monty nodded. "Hold up, which one's new at Hardee's?"

"The Bacon 3-Way Burger." Flash answered.

"Good, I'm thinking of making love to it and sending it to Rosabella Beauty as a 'Fuck You' present to her." Monty smirked. "Plus, she wouldn't know since that cunt doesn't watch our show."

"Hahahaha, what a twat! Fuck Ryan McCartan!" Flash said before he and Monty flipped off to the camera, ending their segment for today.


	24. Flash and Monty on 2016 (It sucked)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Flash and Monty rant on the year 2016!

Monty Monogram was busy adjusting his camera while Flash Sentry was just sitting down on his stool with a glass of sparkling apple juice in hand. After he was done adjusting, Monty went to his stool with his sheet of notes and let out a horrid groan.

"You moan like a zombie, you know that?" Flash said to Monty.

"I'm like this because 2016 is finally fuckin' over," Monty replied over to Flash before staring back to the camera. "Like we didn't suffer a lot of shit we had to experience. You wanna know how bad this year was? Imagine pouring a cup of horsepiss into a shot glass and drinking it while inhaling factory smog towards your face. Imagine putting your entire mouth into a elephant's cock and suffocating into a stream of elephant cum."

"Imagine your son having sex with your own grandma." Flash smirked idiotically.

"Okay, that's really bad there, Flash." Monty pointed out to his friend. "So to show how bad 2016 sucked, I've got a list of everything we hate about this year. And to show that I'm not a displeasing man, I'll also show everyone the good things about the year as well."

"Such as me getting Twilight pregnant." Flash spoke out right before Monty started his list.

"Well, that's a good thing already happening," Monty smirked to himself.

After he got himself a drink from his Aquafina water bottle, Monty cleared his throat and began the little list he made up.

"Okay, here we go with the worst things that sucked about 2016," Monty replied. "They include Prince dying, David Bowie dying, Lemmy from Motorhead dying, Merle Haggard dying, Alan Rickman dying, Glenn Frey dying, Maurice White dying, Chyna dying, Tupac's mom dying, the guy who voiced Scrooge McDuck dying, Muhammad Ali dying, Gordie Howe dying, Gene Wilder dying, Arnold Palmer dying, Alan Thicke dying, George Michael dying, Carrie Fisher dying, Debbie Reynolds dying, my innocence dying because Trump became president, Trump grabbing women's crotches, Trump annoying me to fuckin' death, voting for either Trump or Clinton, people slamming _Suicide Squad_ , people hating on Roman Reigns for apparently no fuckin' reason, _Ever After High's Dragon Games_ and _Epic Winter_ , Rosabella Butt-Hole Bitch, Mac and Cheetos from Burger King, us not getting an NES Classic, idiots who beat us to get an NES Classic, and the last bad thing about 2016 should be simple: The Miz's lousy shit-filled mouth!"

"I don't even wanna hear him talk, let alone hear him brag how much he main evented WrestleMania for the fuckin' millionth time." Flash said, showing his frustration. "He needs to go away along with that filthy STD that's his wife."

Feeling a little parched while trying to contain his giggling, Monty took another sip of Aquafina and spoke on.

"Okay, that was the list of all the things that sucked, and now it's time to list down the things that were actually very good from this year." Monty said, clearing his throat. "Some of them include Cubs winning the fuckin' World Series."

Somehow, there seemed to be awkward silence brewing between Flash and Monty. The blue-haired individual couldn't help but raise his eyebrow in an odd way.

"What else?" Flash asked him.

"Um, that's it." Monty smirked.

Hearing this, Flash started laughing incoherently so much that he nearly fell out of his seat.

"I'm not lying, that's the only thing that was good about this year." Monty sighed while rolling up his list into a ball and throwing it away. "The rest of 2016 sucks butt and should never be mentioned again. Why in the hell do good people have to die? Why is Taylor Swift still mentioned once again? Why didn't we get a fuckin' NES Classic?"

"WHY IN THE FUCK IS DONALD TRUMP PRESIDENT?!" Flash yelled angrily.

A groan soon broke inside Monty in the most grimmest way possible.

"I don't know how 2017 could be worse," He sighed deeply. "Some multi-million dollar celebrity could die next. Lindsay Lohan could be taking a shit at next year's Kids Choice Awards. A creepy boy with a retarded poop-eating grin could be making headlines having sex with a 6-year old down at a school bathroom. There are things way worse than this."

"You think Disney will cancel _Girl Meets World_?" Flash asked him.

"It better fuckin' happen this year or else I'm gonna start killin' shit." Monty replied to him, groaning in disgust. "Have a shitty new year, everyone. Fuck Ryan McCartan." He said to the camera, flipping it off just to close the segment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I figured a End of Year review would be fitting since I was supposed to fuckin' post this in New Year's Eve already. Must be too many distractions that caused it. Oh well, I'll make sure that doesn't happen.
> 
> Anyway, we were supposed to do a Family Guy rant, but I decided to say 'fuck it' instead and go with the 'Year End' edition. So for next episode, Monty and Flash will be doing a special top ten list my friend suggested to me. I have second thoughts about this, but I'll carry on. Anyway, keep sending your requests and Flash and Monty will make sure they get it. Feedbacks are more than welcome. Until next time, OPA!

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is definitely gonna be fun. If you haven't watched the Smarkbusters on YouTube, go check it out. They rant on everything WWE and WWE pay-per-views and they trash on wrestlers like Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, Cody Rhodes. They do in a very tasteless and funny way. I promise you, you will not be disappointed.
> 
> Just to let anyone know, Girl Meets World isn't bad, even though the only time I watch it is when Eric Matthews is on there. That guy made Boy Meets World, hands down. Just to let you all know, these are not my views. These are A-Hole Monty and Flash's views. Just thought I'd tell ya.
> 
> Anyway, what will the a**hole versions of Flash and Monty talk about next? Feedbacks are welcome. Until next time, this is UltimateWarriorFan4Ever signing off for now! PEACE.


End file.
